Stall 2

Chapter 35.

I’m not a very big fan of dressing up in costume, I think I’m awful at it but Sophie lives for it.

When I first looked in the mirror, and saw the sleek shiny material clung tight to every part of my body and barely covering my ass; I felt my nerves get worse and thankfully the vodka was there other wise I would have never made it out of the front door. 

I’m not gonna lie, it kinda feels like I’m wearing a big red condom on my body.

I genuinely felt naked, this material was like a second skin and literally left nothing to the imagination. I couldn’t even wear a bra with it. For the first time in my life I’m wearing nipple stickers so that when I walk into the club it’s not obvious that it is fucking freezing cold outside.

Either way, I’ll take Sophie’s hoots and hollers when she saw me come out of the bathroom as reassurance I don’t look as out of place as I feel.

I did have fun spending time with just the two of us, because we don’t get to do it as often as we both want. I felt a deep pang of guilt in my chest tonight, when Sophie said about how happy she was we get ‘girls’ nights together again after Andy did everything he could to stop them from happening when I was with him.

Back then, he somehow had me convinced that he was always wanting to be there when I spent time with Sophie; that it was only because he missed me so much. He always found a way to invite himself or be around and now I see that he was just supervising me. And slowly, over those two years in one way or another found ways to have me spending less and less time with her, let alone ever being around her alone.

It all happened so inconspicuously, so slowly I barely noticed it until it was too late. It makes me angry.

It makes me angry at myself too, because I feel like a bad friend. Sophie is stubborn though, and she never once let it deter her, it only made her more determined to keep trying to spend time with me.

She is an irreplaceable friend.

Seeing the way Harry is with Sophie and I’s friendship, has really highlighted just how fucked up Andy was. I can’t believe I couldn’t see it while we were together.

I think there’s a lot of things about my relationship with Andy I haven’t dealt with, and I’m slowly realising that while he only ever hit me physically that one night - he had already giving me a mental beating for years and masking it as love. 

Hindsight is a funny thing that way I guess.

Sophie kept me well and truly occupied though, so I didn’t have much time to dwell on it before Jacob was picking up a slightly tipsy pair of giggling dickheads.

I was anxious about tonight, just thinking back to what it was like last year, it was so obscene. I’m anxious to see Harry and his reaction over what Sophie chose to play dress up with me in as well.

Sophie had made the comment to Jacob in the car, when we were driving to the club,”Look at my best friend! How hot does she look! I can’t believe I got her to leave the house in that, I remember her nearly having a nervous breakdown over a kinda tight black dress that first night she went out with Harry - now look at her! He’s gonna die when he sees her!”

Jacob had looked over his shoulder, giving me a lazy but bright smile then looked to Sophie with an confused expression,”Er, baby you sure this ain’t a trap or somethin? I really don’t think I’m meant to say I think your best friend is hot.”

Sophie rolled her eyes, smacking his arm and exclaiming,”But she is hot!”

Jacob still looks like he doesn’t trust it, placing a cigarette in his mouth this time instead of a joint and winds his window down before he lights it and then glances sideways at Sophie,”I feel like you’re gonna get mad if I agree with you babe.”