[Umbrella Academy x Reader] One Shots & Preferences

Pick Up Lines

Warning!!!!

This gets dirty.

LUTHER

 Him

Clean: "the moon has nothing with the stars in your eyes."

 Dirty: "are those space pants, cause your ass is out of this world!"

You

Clean: "Your lips look so lonely, would they like to meet mine?"

 dirty: "my body has 206 bones in it right now, maybe tonight you can make it 207?"

 DIEGO

Him

Clean: "You're like a dictionary; you add meaning to my life."

 dirty: "I've heard you're into yoga, let's see how flexible you are."

 you

Clean: "do you have a name or can I call you mine?"

 Dirty: "call me UPS, because I'm going to take care of that package."

 ALLISON

Her

Clean: "I can't think straight around you!"

Dirty: "My lipstick would look great on your thighs."

 You

Clean: "on a scale of 1 to 10, you're a ten and I'm the one you need!"

 Dirty: "What a gorgeous outfit! You think I can pull that off?"

 KLAUS

Him

Clean: "apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?"

 Dirty: "Let's be carpenters! First, we'll get hammered and I'll nail you!"

 You

 Clean: "sir, you must be lost, because heaven is nowhere near here."

 Dirty: "aw, shit, I lost my keys, can I check your pants?"

 FIVE

Him

Clean: "I wish I could go back to the time we first met."

 Dirty: "I may not go down in history, but I will on you.

You

Clean: "Your hand looks heavy, let me hold it for you."

 DIrty: "judging by the size of that rifle, I can't wait to get into bed with you tonight."

BEN

Him

Clean: "You're drop dead gorgeous. Trust me, I know from experience."

 Dirty: "I might be dead, but you certainly raised something."

 You

Clean: "are you a library book, because I am so checking you out."

Dirty: "is your name winter? Because you'll be coming soon!"

 VANYA

Her

 Clean: "cello there, beautiful."

 Dirty: "fuck me if I'm wrong, but the dinosaurs are still alive right?"

 You

 Clean: "I'm not a photographer, but I can picture us together."

 Dirty: "that sweater may be made of girlfriend material, but I'd think it'd look better on my bedroom floor. "

My internet history is just pick up lines now.