No-one knows how much I cried that day

DAIRY-4

Today, it's 2019 and I and Sasha go to same college. I still see her sometimes and I still talk with her. She said that she's in relationship with a guy named Milan. I'm happy for her but I've several questions which I want to ask her out. I've tried asking her if she ever had feelings toward me but she always changes the topic. I wonder if she used to like me too. If she also really used to like me then it's enough for me to stay happy for whole damn life. Atleast, a person loved me. I really feel so dumb and sad that I couldn't give her the love or maybe I thought it way too hard. What do you say guys? Was it good to confess her? Cus it seems like she started disliking me after the confession. Maybe, I should have never confessed her but I was dumb and selfish. I wanted us to be more closer. I wanted to help you out and give you the love that you deserved.

                   So, tell me Sasha? Did you really like me in past years or were you just acting infront of me for your own satisfaction. So many unanswered questions are running through my mind and my heart. My heart cries whenever I remember those old days. I was so happy person when I was with you but now look at me. I'm nothing but a sad depressed kid. Dear, Sasha I had just asked you for you to love me only. Did I ask you for money or some expensive things? Never, I never wanted your money or body. I just wanted us to be together and spend our day & nights together. I wanted to be the part of your sorrow, pain and love. I wanted to hold you and tell you how much I love you. I know these words are very easy to say but if just you had accepted me then I would have been showed you efforts of my love for you. I still don't understand why do I feel the wave of sadness and why do I feel my heart getting heavier and heavier just by seeing you and your new boyfriend together. I don't understand, I don't understand these feelings. One day, I'll die from these unknown questions and feelings. I want to know what is inside your mind. I want to love you and I'm sure that I can love you more than your present boyfriend. But, now you're happy with him so, I'm happy for you. The love that I couldn't give you back then, he's giving you. You must be really lucky for getting such a kind boy and don't worry about me, it's just a matter of time, I know I'll be alright. My days are filled with sadness and dark. Its not right for me to say these things today but I've so many things which I want to share with you. My heart is breaking into pieces just by remembering those old memories. I still don't know whether you acted or you really liked me. Why am I the only one who always gets broken by someone loved? Infact, I don't understand myself. I thought after such a rejection I had moved on but I was wrong. Why do my heart feel heavy just by seeing you? Control your feelings Rhea, you're going to be alright. The thing I've known by loving you is that we should never expect anything from anyone or later you'll get disappointed just like me. I wonder if I'll die alone. :<

                         So, here my story finishes. Haha! were you expecting for a typical dramatic story? I guess you got disappointed after all, its one of a true story. Anyway, Thank you! for reading it and I hope you enjoyed my story.🤗