Saved

XLVIII

It was dark by the time we finally found a safe house, cleared it, and settled Dale down to sleep for the night. 

"Can we talk?" I mumbled to Daryl, standing up from my seat at the foot of the couch Dale was sleeping on. Daryl nodded, and stood from his spot by the window, and followed me as I led him to the kitchen, where I thought it would be easier to have this conversation. It was a long time coming this talk, and... I honestly don't know what I would do if it didn't go well. 

"So..." I started, but Daryl's raised hand stopped me, and it fell silent once again while I waited for him to say something. 

"I'm so sorry Ri. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. Everything that's happened to you because of my mistakes. I don't... I don't know why I did what I did. I thought I had my reasons. I thought that my reasons made what I did make sense. But they didn't. I should never have... I should never have cheated on you. I love you. I've always loved you. Well, not at first, since I was a dick, but I've loved you since... god. Since right after. Since Merle yelled at me, and I watched you sacrifice yourself time and time again to save other people. To save me. You saved me. You made me a better person, and I can never thank you enough for that. You made me a father, a husband, someone who had somebody that they loved. And I screwed that up. I made everything fall apart. I don't know if you could ever forgive me for what I did, and what you had to do because of it. But if you'll let me, I'll spend every moment of the rest of my life, trying to make you feel the way I feel about you. Trying to make you as happy as you make me. Trying to make up for what I did." He was crying. Tears slowly dripped down his face, falling from his chin, but unlike every other time I had seen him cry, he didn't break eye contact. He locked his sad beautiful blue eyes with mine the entire time he talked, and I could see every emotion as they passed through them. 

I could see how much he loves me. How much he regrets everything that's happened. And I believe him. 

"I don't... What you did, it's not okay. And it will never be okay. But, I forgive you. I love you. I don't remember when it happened, but one day, I woke up, and you were everything I ever wanted. I can't live like this anymore. I can't live without you anymore. You are my husband, and I need you. Our son needs you. He asks about you, and he has always said that you love us, even if you're not with us. I'm so glad he was right." Without another word, he took my face in his hands, and stepped closer to me until his body was pressed up against mine. 

I inhaled sharply, still feeling that horrible man's hands across my body, but it's like he knew. He stepped back just a little, just far enough away so that our bodies weren't touching, besides his gentle hands holding my face. His eyes bore into mine, showing me his desperation, fear, hope, anger, but the love overpowered it all. 

"I know, I know you aren't ready. I know that he hurt you, and I wish I could have killed him. But that won't ever happen to you again. I promise. When you're ready, I'm here." He whispered gently, and then he pressed his lips against my forehead so softly I almost couldn't feel it. A long moment later, he pulled away, and stepped back until he couldn't any more, stopped by the island sitting in the middle of the kitchen. 

"You get washed up, I saw some water bottles in the fridge. It should be enough for you to feel more like you. I'll watch Dale." He mumbled, and when he turned to walk away, I could feel my heart splitting in two, wishing I could be what we both wanted right now. But I couldn't, not yet. 

"Daryl?" I whispered, and he stopped, and turned to look at me. No expectations showing on his face, not even hope, just acceptance, and love, ready to hear whatever it was I wanted to say. 

"I love you." 

"I love you." He said strongly, a beautiful smile spreading across his face, and then he was gone, leaving me in the large kitchen, feeling like I was simultaneously melting and shattering. 

When I was finally done with my scrub session, I had found some washcloths to use, which really sped things up, I went back into the living foyer, where we had pressed the couch up against the door, to see Dale still sound asleep on the couch, and Daryl leaning up against it by Dale's feet, looking ready to pass out but forcing himself to stay awake. 

"You can rest, I'll take watch." I whispered, moving to sit behind him on the couch and running my fingers through his hair, deciding that it needed to be washed tomorrow. I don't even care if it's a waste of water, his hair is disgusting, and he has the faint aroma of urine coming from his pores and I don't know if I could handle it for much longer. He tipped his head back, leaning into my hands, and he let out a soft little groan that I couldn't help but smile at. God I've missed him. 

"No, you need to sleep." He mumbled, but I could hear how much more exhausted he had become just since our talk, and he had driven us all the way here from the Sanctuary. Dale and I had been able to nap, but he hadn't. He needed to sleep. 

"Daryl, you've been awake for almost forty hours. You need to sleep a lot more than I do. Don't worry. I'll wake you up in a few hours." I whispered, moving my hands from his hair and resting them on his strong shoulder, which I could easily feel through the thin sweatshirt he was still wearing from the Sanctuary. 

"Plus, you get to have a bath tomorrow, you need to rest up for it." I said, snickering when he groaned. 

"Do I have to?" He grumbled, leaning back against the couch, and straightening his legs out in front of him, and I could tell that he was so close to falling asleep, as I softly kneaded the muscles under my hands. 

"Yes, you smell like pee." I said with a giggle, and he sighed, but didn't say anything else, and when his head fell back against my leg that was curled up beneath me, I knew he was out. 

I let out a sigh, and leaned back against the back of the couch. I stretched my left hand out to rest on Dale's tiny foot, and left my right at it's spot on Daryl's neck, and tried desperately not to fall asleep, and not to fall into my thoughts, where I knew I would do more damage then had already been done, if I thought about all of the reasons that I was sitting here, like this, with my family.