The Fear Of Faith [2]

35. Bethan

I danced with several strangers, rocking side to side with some random girls and even jokingly twerking with some guys. I just wanted to party and not have to care about life's problems. The waitress continued to approach me, clearly realising I was her profit for the night, and I continued to buy, getting more drunk by the minute.

As soon as my alcohol level overstepped my usual limit, Cal came into my head. I wanted to leave and go to the apartment and see him. I wanted to touch him and tear his clothes off and share our bed with him.

Glancing over to Penny, I could see she was a little better, now chatting to some young guy in our booth. I slipped away sneakily, heading down the stairs and to the back of the club where the smoking terrace wasn't too busy. Taking a seat, I pulled out my phone and dialled Cal, not thinking anything more of it.

'Bethan?' he answered right away.

'I'm drunk,' I said, ensuring he was aware of this but not knowing why it was relevant.

'Okay,' he replied. 'That explains why you're calling me then.'

'I'm not sure if that's you being rude to me or not,' I said, frowning a little.

'No, I'm not being rude, Bethan,' he said. 'I'm just surprised. Are you okay?'

'I'm okay,' I said. 'In fact, I'm very good. I'm having a good night.'

'Where are you?' he asked.

'Club Luna,' I told him. 'Where are you?'

'I'm at home,' he replied.

'Tell me what you're doing,' I told him.

'Okay, well, right now I'm sat on our...I mean, my sofa,' he said, and my heart sunk a little. 'I'm watching Star Wars because it was already on when I turned on the TV and I'm eating chips and drinking...cherry cola.'

He laughed a little as he spoke the final words.

'You're drinking cherry cola?' I asked, a smile spreading on my face.

'Well, the fridge is still stocked up from when you lived here,' he said. 'I figured I'd just drink it.'

'That's sad,' I said, not meaning to be so honest about how that made me feel.

'I don't want you to feel sad when you're out with your friends,' he said.

'I could just drink some cherry cola right now,' I said.

'Well, I won't drink anymore and you can come get them anytime,' he said. 'A lot of your stuff is still here.'

'I know,' I said, biting my lip. 'I don't want to come for it.'

'Well, why not?' he asked.

'Because I'm scared to set foot back in that apartment,' I said, feeling emotional. 'I feel like...I feel like that is what will break me. I'm holding up, I really am but I need to stick to this new and different life and not go back to anything from the old one. From the one I had with you because...it'll break me.'

'It doesn't need to be this way, you know,' he said. 'We can end all of this pain and just get back-.'

'No, please, don't say it,' I said, not wanting to hear him say the words. 'We can't. Too much has happened.'

'Then why are you still calling me?' he asked.

'I don't know,' I whimpered, my voice beginning to croak. 'I just felt like I needed to hear your voice.'

'I understand,' he said. 'I can bring all of your stuff to your dorm for you if you want.'

'Yes,' I said. 'That would be great.'