PROLOGUE

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FITNESS MODEL MARIO RODRIGUEZ JR. is my inspiration for DAX. 

DAX STARED SADLY at his house

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DAX STARED SADLY at his house. It was standing there, solitary, like him. Nobody was in there waiting for him. Nobody to hug...to kiss...to whisper love words to...to make love to...

Nobody.

Kung ang hayop ay namamatay sa kalungkutan, ganoon din siguro ang tao. He wondered why he was still alive at thirty-fucking-one. Dalawa lang siguro ang ibig sabihin niyon. He was an extremely lucky son of a bitch or some omniscient, perverse power up there had decided to punish him some more. He was sure it was the latter.

Ilang beses na ba niyang hinamon si Kamatayan? Kung ang pusa ay may siyam na buhay, siguro'y mas marami ang sa kanya. In his eight years of working for Stealth Unlimited as a field operative, not once did he land in a hospital. A seasoned warrior like him ought to have all the scars to prove his valor, but he had only sustained minor scratches from the most dangerous assignments.

Mayroong punto sa buhay niya na gusto na niyang wakasan ang lahat. Walk into the fangs of death willingly. Without a fight. Without regret. Just die. Evaporate. Disappear. Find oblivion at last.

He was still doing it. Every time he went on a mission the past two years, he had silently wished, even prayed, that he would finally die.

But he didn't die. He was still fucking alive. And kicking like a bull, to boot! Maybe he'd just put a bullet through his head. That would only take a second. But he was a fucking coward. Besides, he didn't like the idea of his gray matter splattered on some wall. It would be too messy. A bottle of sleeping pills? Nah, too easy. A veteran like him deserved at least a decent death in the field with the fatal blow inflicted by the enemy. No other death would do.

He shook his head at his morbid thoughts.

Bumuntong-hininga siya at binuksan ang main door ng town house. Pumasok siya.

Two steps inside and he couldn't wait to leave again. He hated staying in this house, but he couldn't find the guts to dispose it. He should have sold it already. Too many memories in this house, so vivid that he wanted to rant and rave at the heavens for making him remember still when he no longer should.

Everything in the house spoke of her.

Bone-weary as he was, he felt restless still. He couldn't wait for another mission in the hottest spots in the world again, like Iraq. Yeah, bukas na bukas din ay kokontakin niya ang mga affiliates nila doon. Maybe one of those Iraqi insurgents will get him. That would be a good death.

Kadarating lang niya mula sa isang mapanganib na misyon sa Yemen. He was part of the team of commandos that was commissioned by Saudi Arabia to do a reconnaissance on the Huthi rebels. Napalaban sila sa mga rebelde at nalagasan sila ng isang kasamahang commando kaya mabigat ang loob niya pabalik sa Pilipinas. Kawawa naman ang mga naulila ng taong iyon. Sana ay siya na lang ang namatay. Wala naman siyang mauulila.

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