LOVELORN

1|Bathroom conversations & rain

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FIFTEEN MINUTES had passed and I was still staring at the same fucking problem. The clock was ticking and it was all I could focus on at the moment. Tick, tick, tick. It echoed in my mind, trapping all my other thoughts. Sly bitch, always distracting me. At least it wasn't my fault. I wasn't the stupid one, it was the pestering clock that was.

The excuse wouldn't suffice. It was my fault I couldn't solve a simple problem. A stupid, stupid, simple problem. Next to me, Avi was breezing through the test. He was already on the last page. Meanwhile, my heart was having a beatbox match inside my chest. I kept shaking my hand as if some magic knowledge was hidden there, waiting to be revealed by a simple movement. If Avi was so brilliant, then there must be some talent in me. We were twins, after all. Fraternal twins, but twins all together.

Why did I think that taking an AP class was a good idea? Especially Math of all classes. I was so not intelligent enough for this. The next thing on my to-do list would need to be to find a way to drop this hell of a class. I was failing, so it wasn't like this class would give me any extra credit anyway.

The test was ripped from my hands after I insisted the teacher give me one more minute. I sighed, embarrassed that I was the last one there, and exited the room. Avi had finished long before most and was already away chatting in a corner with his best friends. I caught a couple of words like 'too easy' and 'not even a challenge'. Naturally, I felt like a complete moron. If that was easy, I didn't want to see their definition of difficult.

I wanted to cry so badly. The tears were itching to escape. I swallowed them back, a thick ball of dread lodged in my throat. It was growing larger with every passing second, expanding to my stomach, back up my throat, and making me nauseous.

Sticking my clammy hands into the pockets of my worn-out jeans, I rushed to the women's restrooms, almost tripping over my shoelaces on the way there. Save for a lone girl washing her hands, it was empty. To avoid making eye contact and having her potentially detect my near anxiety attack, I kept my gaze down and locked myself in a stall.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

I cried. Dumb tears refused to listen. I wiped them away, attempting to keep in a sniffle. Since I hadn't heard the door open and shut yet, I assumed the other girl was still in there. I didn't feel like mortifying myself anymore today.

"Hey, is everything okay in there?" A voice rang out.

Seeing as I was the only one there, I knew she must have been referring to me. I ignored her. She seemed nice enough, but I wasn't in the mood to talk.

"Are you all right?"

Once, you could pass it off as not having heard them, but twice, that was plain rude. I cleared my throat and blurted out the first excuse I could come up with.

"Sorry, I'm on my period. Everything is good, just extra emotional."

"Oh. Do you need a tampon or something?"

"I'm fine, but thanks."

There was a pause where I thought she would give up, until her voice rang out again. "Are you sure? I'm a good listener if you need one."

Geez, this girl was not giving up. What if I was taking a dump in here?

"I promise it's okay." I was crying over an exam, not someone dying. It honestly wasn't a big deal.

"If you say so. I'm Mai, by the way."

Apparently, we were having a bathroom conversation. I didn't want to reveal my name. For now, I was just 'crying girl in the restrooms on my period'. If she knew my name, I would be 'crying Naya on her period in the restrooms'. It was far more humiliating to have your name associated with it.