Perspective

Chapter Forty Seven.

It'd also be a real shame if they did me a favor and said bartender went to his boss, who is a woman, and told her what he heard and saw at Drew's work and the type of people she was paying to play at her bar. It would also suck if that some bartender let it slip to a few of the regular customers about the type of person that Brad guy is, and how he treats women plus the name of their band - with Drews name left out of it, of course. Gossip spreads fast around here.

Be a real pity if their show got cancelled and then that bartenders boss called other bars and clubs in the area; putting the word out not to hire that band.

Have fun getting your band hired now Bryce, you fuck. 

I may not have been able to knock your teeth out of your head, but I'll shit on your dreams.

I had asked Drew when we were out at dinner, I was unable to help my curiosity, about why she stayed with an absolute dipshit like that.

Mind you, I could barely touch my food from how anxious I was feeling and Drew kept giving me strange glances when I seemed to be acting a bit more... odd than usual. I thought maybe she would think it was dumb, when we went out to a diner that I picked simply because they had all these specail potato variation dishes.

The look on her face when she saw that part of the menu, completely dedicated to potatoes was priceless and there was a rare instance when her eyes light up, the brightest smile pulling on her lips when she burst out laughing.

I felt my heart jump when it happened, damn near knocked me out of the seat.

I wish she smiled like that more. She doesn't realise how lovely it is. It suits her.

So, as we sat there, while I picked at the various plates we had sat between us of every way a potato could possibly be cooked, as we sat across from one another, I tried to push my luck with some questions.

I reminded Drew of our deal, if she answered my question, she could ask me one, Fair trade and all that.

When I had asked her that question, "Why did you stay with Bryce?" I watched her think for a moment, and I could see the thoughts ticking over in that head of hers; the one I wish i had a ticket into just for a day. 

Her brows pulled together to form a thoughtful crease as she rested her chin in her hand, letting out a deep sigh as she pressed her lips flat together.

There was a big part of me that thought she was going to refuse to give me an honest answer or deflect it.

"I guess... the thing is, sometimes you're so desperate for someone to choose you, to be their first choice -- especially when you've never been a first choice to anyone. You just want to feel like you're enough. It's such a painful, lonely but madenning feeling that you forget and you choose yourself, even when the person that isn't choosing you is being awful to you."

My lips part as I take in what she says, feeling like it kicked me straight in the chest. I know that feeling. I know that feeling so fucking well. That's how I felt with my ex wife, among other things.

However, Drews face falls into a frown that shows genuine emotion from her, something I noticed she hides religiously. I didn't think she would keep talking, but she did.

"I'll never do that again" she states with an edge to her voice, while she stares down at the table; shaking her head before lifting her eyes to focus on mine,"I'll never let someone make me feel the way he did ever again, like everyone else has. I'll never let someone make me feel so stupid.  So paranoid. So crazy. So insecure. So useless and worthless. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than ever sit there again and be the thing someone keeps around because it's conveniant and they're just waiting for something better," Drew shakes her head with a scoff, waving her her hands like she's shooing the notion away,"Fuck that. Fuck. That. Never again."