Belonging | Alec Lightwood

(20) Hibernating

"I don't mean to intrude or be nosey," She starts, a small and caring smile on her face "But, I'm getting worried Camilla. Ever since you came here you've been isolated, distant and I'd be an idiot not to notice how tired you look, or how red your eyes are or how you haven't been on the phone to anyone, not your mother, not even Clarissa. What happened love?"

I gulp nervously, feeling my eyes prick and the water come rushing up. My hands start shaking slightly and my vision lightly fogs over. "Oh dear, don't cry love." Ms green exclaims as she rushes forwards, wrapping her arms tightly around me, her hands soothingly rubbing my back in comfort. I sniff back the tears, my arms loosely holding her as I try to stop myself from crying even more.

How embarrassing.

We pull back after a while, before Ms green moves away to grab a box of tissues, before coming back and gently placing the box in hand. I gratefully take it, before dabbing away the stray tears, self-irritation filling me.

Why the hell was I crying?

"I'm sorry, I don't even know why I'm crying, it's stupid" I say dismissively.

"No, it isn't dear. Something has happened and it has obviously hurt you and now your trying to deal with it. But hiding it away and ignoring it isn't dealing, you need to talk about it, get it off your chest" Ms green says, her eyes filled with sympathy as she reaches over and holds my hand gently, the warmth relaxing me.

I sigh whilst closing my eyes, before eventually opening them and nodding my head at her. "Clary and some friends, well they're like family now, they lied to me, about something really really important. I obviously found out, a-and I was hurt, so hurt that they kept something so important from me and well I just couldn't be around them not when they could cover something like that for so long" I explain lowly, my voice scratchy and tired as I glance upwards, watching as Ms green intently listens to my conversation, before nodding at me to continue.

"I can't say what they hid, it's personal but it broke my heart that after founding out something that would literally change my life they hid it, tried to make sure I would never find out, they weren't there for me, but instead they made a decision for me" I say, stray tears falling down my cheeks making me roughly rub them away, not wanting to be so vulnerable again.

"Did they say why they kept it from you" Ms green asks after a while, a thoughtful yet sad expression on her face.

"They said they kept it from me to protect me, but it didn't protect me, it just made finding out the truth so much harder" I say, anger filling me, their betrayal was still fresh and still felt like an open wound, and the more we talked the more salt was added to that wound.

"Did you ever consider that even though hiding it from you was stupid and wrong, that they came from a place of good intention?" She says, I immediately scoff making her quickly shake her head at me.

"Now, I'm not excusing what they did. Whatever they hid sounds significant and they were definitely in the wrong to hide it., but- I know Clary, you both adore each other, and there hasn't been a single time in your life where she hasn't been there for you. And what I can gather about this new family is that they love you too, and I can imagine you care for them deeply as well."

"I do," I say nodding, "I love them a lot, but how can someone who claims to care and love you betray you like this?" I ask, my voice cracking slightly as I look up to hold back the tears that desperately trying to push through.

I couldn't cry, because If I start, I don't know If I'll be able to stop.

"Sometimes people do things with good and kind intention, they care about someone and are willing to do anything to help that person. Clary and your friends made an awful decision but not out of malicious intent or hatred but out of love, it was just misplaced and executed badly. But that doesn't change the love they have Camilla."