Waindale

twenty-three. leave with me

I turn on the lamp that's sat on top of my dresser. The pink lampshade makes my room glow with a feminine warmth, and it shines through the glass of my window; a signal so he can find his way home. It's dark out there, so bone-chillingly dark that I nearly fear for him before realizing that he is the greatest danger in those woods.

A thick cover of clouds masks the moon, but I feel close to her. I glance back the wooden charm strung on my headboard. I like to think that it helps me sleep, like a dream-catcher. It makes me feel like a part of their world. If Adam's mother won't approve of me, then the moon goddess will. The woman from that shop on the water said that she loves all her children and those who love her children. Being mated to one of her children must be beyond qualifying, but are all these feelings and things I'm experiencing—is this bond love? If I had to label our connection, it would have to be something of love. There are no past feelings I can recall to determine exactly what love is, yet I will willingly call this it. What besides love can have such effects on a person?

After today, all I want to do is see Adam and talk to him. Everyone's eyes still seem to follow me now—it feels like the gossiping and judging will never stop. I can't even escape the anxiety in my own bedroom, far from the Academy, far from the stares, far from the covered whispers. A part of me really thought that the students at the Academy would be different than the average, terrible teenager. I was hopeful. I was wrong.

I sit against my headboard with a pillow held to my chest. The last time we spoke was when he brought me home after meeting his mother. It made me awkward, uncomfortable, doubtful—sure. But today I realized that Adam is on my side and I can't be completely sure about everyone else. My mother is unsure about this all. His mother believes I'm useless. Vivianne is getting frustrated with me. Grandma knows nothing. The only person I feel I can be completely honest with is him. He didn't want things between us to turn sour because of a future detail. Adam wanted to protect me from it all. I may think that he's been keeping me in the dark—that I'm not good enough—but that's not what he's doing. It may not be the perfect plan—there are flaws no matter what way we go about this—but he's trying. He's trying to keep me safe and my heart safe.

Shifting onto my side, I gaze out the window. What if he doesn't come? All I can do is think about him. My mind is going into a bit of a withdrawal. If he doesn't come my night will crumble. I'll be left to wallow until my body eventually gives up and falls asleep. I've never been so excited about someone. Just the thought of seeing him—it fuels me. It gives me purpose in this moment.

Every rustle of branches or gust of wind causes me to perk up, but it still isn't him. I glance at the clock. It's far past midnight now. Tiredness looms over me and I can't help but crawl under my covers. I pull them up to my chest and rest my head on my pillow, just lifted enough to keep the window in view. Eventually, my eyes slowly shut and open and shut and open. My body seems to sink into the mattress. I look at the clock one last time. It's past one. Disappointment settles in my core, but my exhaustion makes it easier to digest.

When I reach a state of near-sleep, distant sounds prod at me. I can't bring myself to open my eyes. A sense of peace and love seeps into my bed and envelopes me. A hand brings my blankets further up then brushes the rogue hairs from my face. "Adam," I manage to murmur.

"Go to sleep," he says softly.

A noise slips through my lips as I turn onto my back. "No, no," I say, disoriented. "I'm awake. I'm up."

There's not a chance I'm letting him go. My fingers rub my eyes until they can tolerate the light of my lamp. Soon I see his face as he stands with his arms crossed, looking down at me.

"You can fall asleep, Wrenley. I'll see you tomorrow."

My brows furrow. "No. Wait. Don't go." The background becomes less blurry. "Please stay," I say and look to the free side of my bed. My mind runs wild. I pat the empty side.