Just Want To Be With You

Twenty

Joe's POV

It was four days later and Dotty had completely blocked everyone out. She kept pushing me away when I tried to talk to her, or comfort her. 

I know she's grieving and seeing her this way breaks my heart. It really does. I feel helpless.

I knock on the bathroom door one more time. ''Dotty, open the door. Please. Talk to me?''

''GO AWAY!'' She shouts.

''Di, please. I'm not moving from this door until you open it. I'll stay here all night if I have to.'' I hear the clicking of the lock.

I open the door, the sight in front of me absolutely broke my heart. She was curled in a ball, her legs pulled up against her chest. Her soft cries could be heard and her body shaking. ''Little One?'' I sit down next to her. ''Please talk to me. Don't push me away.''

''I'm sorry.'' She mumbles. ''I don't mean to push you away, I don't. I just,'' She pauses.

''Go on.'' I encourage.

''I just feel weak and useless. I feel like I need you to relay on. I feel like a burden. You don't need this. I feel like I don't matter to anyone anymore. You don't want a wife that's a grieving mess. You don't need to suffer. I'm fine.'' My heart was breaking. 

''Dianne, look at me.'' She doesn't. ''Dianne, look at me.'' I repeat. She looks up at me slowly, her gorgeous, honey brown eyes were blood shot. ''Darling, you're grieving. You've just lost your Mum. You are allowed to feel weak and it's OK to not be OK. But you're not useless, you're stronger than you think. You are not a burden, OK? If you need help, please ask sweetheart. I'm right here. Please don't push me away.

Dotty, you matter OK? You matter to a hell of a lot of people. You matter to me. I'm suffering because you are, because you are my wife. If you hurt, I hurt too. So what if my wife is a 'grieving mess'. You are allowed to be. Please, you don't have to be strong for me. I know you're not fine. But I won't push you to talk to me. I want you to know I''m not going anywhere, and I love you, so so much. If you want to talk about it that's fine. If you don't, that's fine too. But I need you and Flynn needs you.'' I finish.

''I know. I need you, too. Both of you. I'm sorry for pushing you away. I don't deserve you.''

With a shake of the head, I speak. ''None of that, Little One. You do deserve me, OK?''

She nods. ''I love you.'' 

''I love you, too.''

''Where's Flynn?''

''I've put him down for a nap.''

She nods. ''Joe?''

''Yes, sweetheart?''

''I uhm,'' She pauses. ''think I might be pregnant.''

I look at her. ''Really?''

She sighs, ''Yeah I thought I was four days ago before we lost Mum. She told me to tell you before she passed. It was her dying wish, and I broke it.'' 

''Hey. No you didn't. You'd just lost her. It slipped your mind, understandably. Do you want me to get you a test?''

''No,'' She grips my shirt. ''Don't leave me.''

''OK, OK, shh,'' I stroke her hair. ''I'll call Amy. Ask her to get you one.''

She nods.

. . .

''Thanks Amy.'' I smile, taking the bag off her, going to grab my wallet.

''Oh no, Joe. This is on me.'' She smiles.

''Are you sure?''

She nods. ''Consider it 'I'm sorry for your loss', gift,'' I thank her. ''How is she?''

Dianne had fallen asleep in my arms on the bathroom floor, so I'd moved her to the bedroom. ''Not good to be honest. She's really struggling. I'm worried about her.'' 

''I know Joe. But she's stronger than we think. Maybe this baby will be a blessing? I er, don't mean it like that.''

''Oh no. I know what you mean, Amy. Thank you for this, I owe you one.''

''Nonsense. I've also let Strictly know. Tell her she can take as long as she needs.''

''Thank you. We both appreciate it.''

I hug her goodbye as I close the door. I go to check on Di.

She was still fast asleep. I make Flynn some food, letting her rest. She needs as much sleep as possible. Especially if she's pregnant.

''Mama.'' Flynn walks towards the stairs, wanting to go upstairs.

''No buddy, Mama isn't feeling well. Lets let her sleep, yeah?''

''MAMA.'' He cries. I sigh. 

''Hey, lets play with your favourite toy.'' I go to pass him it. He throws it at my head.

''No Flynn, that's naughty.'' I say. ''Lets read this, hey?''

''NO.'' Again, he throws it at my head. I sigh.

''Everything alright?'' A little voice calls.

''Hey, I thought you were asleep?''

''I woke up from a nightmare.'' She sighs.

''Sweetheart.'' I sigh.

''I'll be OK. I just want my boys.'' 

''We're both here.'' I say.

''I know, thank you. I need a distraction.'' 

''What do you want to do?'' I ask.

''I want to take the test.''

''Are you sure?''

''Yes. If I am then at least one good thing will have come out of all of this.''

''OK. I'll go and get the test and we'll do it downstairs, so we can keep an eye on Flynn. Yeah?''

. . .

''It's time.'' I stand up with Di, who is shaking. 

''I'm right here. Whatever the outcome, yeah?''

''I know. Thank you. For everything.'' 

''Hey, it's what I'm here for.'' I smile.

''I love you.'' She rests her head on my shoulder.

''I love you, too. Ready?'' She nods.

Turning the test over,

Pregnant

''Oh my God.'' Di breathes, tears in her eyes.

''Baby, don't cry. It's OK.''

''For once, it's happy tears,'' She giggles slightly.  ''We're having a baby.''

''We're having a baby.'' I smile.

''Joe?''

''Yeah?''

''If it's a girl can her middle name be Rina?'' She asks.

I smile. ''Of course it can. I think that's a lovely idea.''