The Return | Cricky

Chapter XXXVII: Cravings

I left him to sleep, deciding to take a quick shower. I'm sure he won't mind, especially if it meant I didn't smell like sex and sweat anymore. It was an unpleasant shower, considering Japan isn't really built for someone who's 6'1". Unfortunately, I didn't have any clothes other than what had been on my back when I arrived. I pulled on my pants and necklace, leaving everything else on the floor for now. As I was getting dressed, I found myself pausing to watch his sleeping body. Why did he take me back so easily? After all I've done, to him and to so many others, I don't deserve an angel like this.

Does Ricky ever look at me that way? When I'm not paying attention, does he ever just take a moment to stare and think how lucky he is to have me? There were definitely times where I'd done so to him, but something tells me he never returned the favor. I won't deny that he cared for me, and I know he definitely loved the others. That was evident in how he'd beat himself up if any of us got hurt. I'm just wondering if I misjudged the nature of his heart's intentions.

This house was so small. How does Yuki live like this? I didn't get the sense that he leaves here too much. It'd drive me crazy, but he's probably used to it from growing up in a similar size house. Plus, he is a whole foot shorter than me.

I left him to sleep, going into the kitchen to make him some breakfast. Imagine my surprise when I found his fridge was empty. It wasn't even on. The pantry was void of food, too.

He tiredly shuffled into the kitchen, wrapped up in a blanket. "Don't tell me you're looking for food?"

"No," I responded, confused, "I was going to make you something to eat, like I used to, but..."

Yuki's smile was so bittersweet. "I think we have a lot to talk about."

I sighed, "Yeah."

Was this house a front? No, it couldn't be. Every other room was well lived in. I was more afraid... He'd become like me. Vampires can't drink from each other, though. It would've either killed me or made me incredibly ill. Clearly that wasn't the case last night. The voodoo shaman that helped me resurrect him years ago warned me he wouldn't be the same. As their type tends to do, he purposely made that statement vague. I always thought he meant it in personality, but now I'm starting to wonder if he meant it in physical being.

We returned to his bedroom so that he could get dressed while we talked. It would be a little hard for me to focus when his sinful body was on display. He put on a pair of skin tight black jeans, which really didn't help the matter. As Yuki pulled a dark grey sweat over his head, he began, "I'm sorry I left like I did. I can't imagine how hard that must've been on you, how it must've made you feel, after what you did for me. I was just... Scared. And now, I know, if I'd just been honest with you, you would've helped me through everything. I just wasn't thinking straight at the time."

"Yuki, I want you to know, I never regretted giving up a part of myself for you. The scar on my soul, it's no different than any of my tattoos. They're all like keepsakes of my past. But, you're right to think it did hurt me when you left, only because I thought you hated me for bringing you back." I replied.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't go through bouts of anger over it, but I'd never hate you. When I first came back, you were pretty sick for a few weeks, which meant I was able to hide it from you. The truth was, I was barely keeping myself together. I realized almost immediately that I wasn't human anymore, but figuring out what the Hell I'd become, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through."

"I know," I said, "I never went through it personally because I chose to become a vampire, but I've seen people who were turned by force lose their minds, to the point many have committed suicide. The dark gift isn't meant for those who don't want it. You're not a vampire, though. You're something else."

"I should've known you'd figure it out. You're a master vampire, after all." Yuki lowered his head. His mouth laid ajar as he worked out how to confess his truth. "I couldn't find anyone else like me. I had to figure it out through legends, research. I knew I couldn't be a vampire because I'm fine to go in the sun. It does hurt my eyes, so I avoid it, but it won't kill me. I can't eat human food anymore. I don't just crave blood. I crave flesh, too."

My sweet angel, what have a done to you? I felt so sick to my stomach, knowing this is all my fault. "You're a ghoul." I said.

Yuki raised his head again, revealing the true color of his eyes—A ghastly pale yellow, so faint his irises nearly disappeared into the whites. Tears brimmed his waterline, all while that weak smile remained. From studying legends myself, I knew what a ghoul was, but much like demons and warlocks, they were thought to not exist in this world. It's very likely he may be the only one to exist here. That gives me a far different reason to bring him to the other realm. All the magical beings there, there must be someone else like him. At the very least, possibly someone who can help him.

I pulled him against my bare chest, kissing the top of his head. "I'm so sorry." I whispered, "This is all my fault. I'm so sorry."

What he said next shocked me. "It's okay. Chris, I'm okay."

"...You are?"

Yuki peered up at me, blinking away his tears. "It was hard, at first, and it's still pretty lonely, but I'm okay with what I've become. I just wish I would've handled it differently. I wish I would've stayed, or found the confidence to go back to you." He reached up and placed his small hand along my face. "You of all people should know, I've always been attracted to the darkness."

"Yeah," I grinned, "I know. No matter what you are, to me, you'll always be an angel. But, now I have to be honest about why I came here. Understand, I always thought you hated being resurrected. There's something very dangerous I have to do, and I needed someone who would be okay with the risk of death. I thought... But now I see, I can't ask that of you. You aren't the shell of existence I thought you were."

He giggled, "That doesn't mean I'm not up for a little danger."

My little minx, how I've missed you. If it weren't for the promise I'd made to Ryan, to Angelo, I honestly might've just dropped this entire thing. Why should I go back? I have my first love back, and he's willing to love me without boundaries or fear. We sat down together and I told him the whole story, excluding Ricky and I's relationship. Yuki's always been a sucker for a good love story. I should've known he'd want to help. He seemed less scared of it than I was. Now, all that's left is to return to the rift and hope my theory was correct.