the end of the world | KTH

| Chapter Four - The world without you |

Six Months Prior

You stare at the phone screen, at his text messages. Your heart can't help but flutter at the notion of love, at the thought of the beautiful man holding you in his arms at night.

Time, you think, will heal the ache or clear your thoughts. Love isn't meant to feel suffocating, but love is meant to feel the way you did with Taehyung on the good days. That's why the spasms of your heart and the shortness of breath that greet you today are rendering you unable of leaving the comfortable queen.

The bed dips, and you groan as the lamp on the opposite side flickers on. You don't hesitate to wrap the comforter around your head to hide from it.

"You're kidding, right? You're not a fucking vampire, kid." Ali tugs at the fabric until your weak muscles give up. She sighs at your miserable state before saying, "Why are you still moaning about? It's been months."

"Hmmm." You groan and turn over in the bed.

"Y/N, if you want him, then text him and tell him. You love him, but you're not together. If you don't want him anymore, then you better get your lazy ass out of bed and go talk to some clients or walk around downtown- anything besides this." She motions to the messy bedsheets and your body in the fetal position.

"Hmmm." You groan again, turning to face her and pouting your lips at her, sticking your tongue out in the process.

"Oh my god, just call him!" She yells, pulling the phone from your hand and pulling up his contact. "Do it or I will."

"Ali..." You breathe out her name, sitting up and leaning your head against the pillow behind you. "I never told him I loved him."

She stares at you quizzically before slowly turning the phone off and placing it off to the side. Her body moves to lean beside you, glad that you're finally talking to her about the whole situation.

"I regret not telling him- fuck, all I want to do is tell him I love him..." You trail off, wiping at your eyes at a few stray tears. "It's better off with us not together, though. We were both unsure about forevers, but we tried to make things work. They just didn't. I told him that I cared so much about him, but I also said I didn't think we were meant to be, and I can't believe I couldn't fucking utter the three words I've felt for so long. I love him, but we- we just don't work....right?"

You breathe heavily, your heart pounding almost out of your chest. Anxiety: it's eating away at you. Did you choose correctly? Was this the right choice? Were you really never meant to be?

It hurt.

"You know..." Ali says, grabbing your hand and tracing patterns into it. "You both really cared about each other. You shouldn't have regrets about any of it. He was one of the biggest parts of your life for a whole year, and you're allowed to hurt. I expect you to scream and cry and hurt; I'd be concerned if you didn't. This shit, Y/N, isn't easy. Love isn't easy, and you both were pretty new to true love.

"Just remember the good things about the love you shared, appreciate them. Also remember the reasons why you aren't together anymore, understand them. You will come out of this so much smarter and stronger, I promise."

You nod at her words, attempting to calm your breathing. Closing your eyes, you imagine Taehyung's hand in yours as he told the guys you'd be staying the night. You imagine the kisses on your face as he pulled you closer to him in the club. You imagine the flowers and matching sweaters and board games he brought for you. Another deep breath. You imagine him swiftly changing and leaving you alone in bed. You imagine the apology texts for not being able to make it over, the canceling of plans. You imagine the scared feeling of uncertainty.