HTGAB101 :: changlix ✔︎

step 15- seungay

Step Fifteen: Hold a conversation! Don't dominate... boys like when you let them talk about themselves! Listen to what he says, and try to remember it! If he mentions the birthday of his dog or cat or sibling, take note of it. If he recently won a competition, ask him about it!

"Jesus Christ," I say to my plushie. "This book is just—ugh. I've already been doing this one. Like, what? That's what it's been encouraging me to do the whole time.

"Bonnie, I don't know how long I can carry this out. How much time? Changbin doesn't like me as anything more than a friend, right? It's not worth it."

Bonnie stares at me with black holes for eyes. A great listener, I know.

"And you know what's more? I've gotten to the point where I've started ignoring Jisung's life. I have no idea what's he's doing! Sure, I hang out with him, but I don't even know what's going on between him and Minho. Are they dating? They fought a while ago, Binnie—I mean, uh, Bonnie—but I haven't heard anything else from them."

Bonnie just watches me, silently judging. Definitely not a good listener; she's an owl, so she doesn't even have visible ears. I lamely squish her cheeks and flop back onto my bed. I have an essay due tomorrow, and I haven't even started. I'm about to open my laptop to start when I get a text from Minho.

~~~~~

minho:
can i talk to you?
it's important

you:
uhh
yeah sure

minho:
k i'll be at your apartment in 15

you:
oki see you then

~~~~~

I sigh, knowing that my essay will be a problem for Future Felix to deal with. Oh, well. Current Felix only has to get ready to be presentable for when Minho comes to his apartment.

Ew, thinking about myself in third person.

That's gross.

Let's do it again.

Felix rolls out of bed, tucking Bonnie back under the blanket. He puts on a pair of sweatpants that's cleaner than the one he was just wearing and puts a hoodie on over his t-shirt.

Grabbing a stool, Felix makes his way into his pantry—less commonly but more accurately known as Chip Land. He stands on the stool, on the tips of his toes, and still has to jump to reach the highest shelf.

Even if I date Changbin, Felix thinks, I'll still be the one reaching for high things. He sighs, but doesn't dwell on the "if." The possibly of that possibility possibly happening is just another possible possibility that could possibly happen, and Felix's brain can't possibly keep up with all those possibly possible possibilities.

Felix waddles over to his TV room, trying to balance his chips, a bowl, and the stool in his arms. No, not stool like poop, but rather stool like the thing that boosts one's height.

When he finally manages to set everything down, Felix breathes a sigh of relief. He opens the nearest bag and starts snacking on the chips.

True to his word, Minho arrives soon after. Felix gets up to greet him and stubs his toe against the table, then, wincing, makes his way over to the door. Felix lets him in and they go to the TV room, where all the chips are.

"Felix," Minho begins. "This is something kind of private, okay?"

Felix nods empathetically, understanding. Also, Felix—

No.

I can't think of myself in the third person, that's just... no. Especially when Minho is about to tell me something personal.

"Yeah," I say. "You can trust me to keep a secret, Minho." He takes a deep breath, readying himself.

"I think I'm in love with Jisung. Not in like with him, but, like, like like. Love."

YYYYEEEESSSSSSSS

FFFFIIIINNNAAALLLLLLLYYYYYY

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"I don't know when it really started, but I think he's taking my avoiding him in the wrong way. I'm just scared I'll mess something up and he won't want to be friends with me anymore."

Friends? I want to blurt out. Minho, honey, you've never been just a friend to Jisung. But I don't say that, because that would give Jisung full rights to tell Changbin about my crush, if he hasn't already. I still haven't forgotten the seed incident—wait, that doesn't sound right. Eh, whatever.

"Minho," I begin. "Look, Jisung and I don't usually talk about feelings and stuff. I mean, of course we do, but, like, I can't go around sharing that information."

I need to take a different approach. I'm definitely messing this up more than I should be able to.

"Go for it, man. Shoot your shot. Also, you're gay?" Yeah, I just did that.

Holy poop.

I just did that.

"Uh, yeah. I thought you knew," Minho says. "Both Changbin and I are gay."

~~~~~~~~~~
i'm not screaming, you are