HAPPY || b. barnes ✔️

015

• • •

"I was looking for you last night in my dreams
I was running to you to save me from these terrible things"

Sleeping with Sirens,
Another Nightmare

• • •

W H E N Bucky got home Halloween night, Sam was waiting up for him. The new Captain had returned from DC only a few hours ago, surprised to see that Bucky was not home.

He had no idea that he had made a new friend; or the fact that he had barely been home the past two days. So when he saw Bucky walking into the facility with a red face and a smile on it; he couldn't help but be intrigued.

"You're home pretty late." Sam noted as he followed Bucky into the large kitchen.

Peter and Wanda were sitting at the table, dining on a late night snack.

"I had plans." Was all that the former Solider said as he poured himself a glass of water.

"With that girl." Wanda said. She took a sip of her water.

"The coffee shop girl?" Sam asked with a smile as he crossed his arms.

Bucky did not say anything, instead he downed the glass of water he had and then poured himself another.

"What were you guys up to on Halloween?" Peter asked the older man.

"None of your business." Bucky responded.

Sam smiled and shook his head. He couldn't believe the conversation they were having. It seemed so normal; so perfectly normal. He couldn't remember the last time they had a conversation about something as trivial as Bucky having a friend - that was a girl.

He knew Steve would have the greatest time teasing his old friend about this; and it made Sam said that Steve wasn't here to do it.

"What's her name again?"

Bucky looked at Sam for a second before shaking his head. He grabbed his drink and started to walk out of the room.

"Oh come on, old man. We'll find out eventually." Sam called out after Bucky.

The three friends laughed quietly in the room and Sam went to sit down at the kitchen table with Peter and Wanda.

When their laughter dies down, Wanda spoke. "When was the last time he went to see Steve?"

Sam sighed. "Jeez, a couple months ago. It's too painful for him."

"Well, he's a stranger to him now." Wanda said quietly.

"I know." Sam said.

It was quiet for a few seconds before Peter spoke up. "I can't imagine Bucky having a friend. He doesn't seem the type."

"Yeah well, he doesn't seem like the type for a lot of things."

• • •

Bucky couldn't sleep that night.

His mind wouldn't turn off.

He couldn't shake the warm feeling that he had when he was with Charlie, and Oliver too. He couldn't shake the feeling of home that their house brought to him. It was old but it was cozy, and it was warm and safe. It smelt like how a home should smell. And it looked like it too.

Bucky's mind couldn't stop thinking about how he enjoyed every minute he spent with the Grant's the past two days - which had felt like a lifetime. He couldn't stop thinking about how it was the first time in a really long time that he felt happy and at peace.

The last time he felt like that was after he woke from cryo in Wakanda, and Shuri successfully wiped his mind of the Winter Solider. He no longer felt a connection to the monster he used to be, although the horrors of what he was still found him sometimes when he dreamt.

A small part of him wished that he could still be in Wakanda, instead of this post - Thanos world. But he knew that this was where he belonged. He knew that if he wasn't here, he never would have meet Charlie or Oliver.

Still, it was Charlie on his mind.

As he laid in his bed with his hand tucked underneath his head, his eyes stared at the ceiling above him. His mind was running a mile a minute as he thought about the woman he's known for only two months.

Her green eyes haunted him every time that he closed his eyes. He imagined the curve of her smile and those pink lips that she was always chewing on. He could hear her laughter ringing  in his mind; and he wanted more than nothing to hear her laugh again.

She should always be laughing; he believed that she should never once again feel sorrow. She deserved to be as happy as she possibly could be.

The idea of her, the thought of her, kept him at bay for a majority of the night. He imagined what it would be like to eat dinner with her, to sit at the dining room table and fold laundry with her. He imagined what it would be like to sit on the couch with her head in his lap.

He kept picturing in his head what it would be like to kiss her. To feel her lips on his, to hold her against him. He wondered what it would be like to feel her body against his and her breath on his lips.

He wanted to put on old music and dance with her in the living room.

And these thoughts shook him to the very core. The idea of having a life with her, however she may chose, was enough to bring tears to his eyes. Bucky had never imagined a life like that; not since before the war and before his capture.

There was a time eighty years ago that he imagined a life like that. He would come home from the war, find a nice woman, and settle down. Of course, non of that ever happened and he was unable to do any of those things.

But now that he was here, that there was no other threats, he had nothing else to do. His work with Fury was few and far between, and his time was usually free.

He wasn't sure what to do.

The idea of telling Charlie any of these thoughts, or her even knowing them, scared him. He knew that she was well aware of his past and who he used to be, but he also knew that she didn't see him that way. She saw him as an Avenger, a hero who brought back those who fell victim to the decimation.

But still, he doubted she'd ever look at him in the way that he wanted her to.

Guys we are doing a memoir in my creative writing class and my professor wants us to pick something traumatic/significant that shaped us into who we are and I can't decide which childhood trauma I should write about lmao abuse or homophobia let's take a poll

Also I have no friends in college rn so if any of you want to be my friend I'll be putting out applications soon 😂🥰🖤