Waltz across Texas with a Shoe and a Fart (WALTZ ACROSS series book #1)

Chapter 17: Dunce Upon a Time in Mexico

About halfway through the tour, Barnard thought this was probably the best piece he had gotten the entire week. This was the kind of thing he wanted his trip to be about. He could not, of course, dismiss the fact that everything up to this point had been a blast, but he was beginning to convince himself that the week might have gone like this very tour if he had done it by himself.

"That is our operation, my friend. We make the best boots in the world right here in El Paso. Should we get started on a pair for you?"

"Well, yeah, I would love to get a pair. That's why I came, but how much do they cost?"

"They are all different costs, but first we need to cast your feet. Then we can build them for you from there. Luis will help you and then you will look at the styles. Muy bueno, senor?" Barnard thanked him and sat down where Eduardo directed him, then Eduardo disappeared back into the hallway. He noticed a couple of men standing in one corner with their arms folded and snickering. He thought maybe they were just getting a kick out of the gringo getting a pair of boots, but he never liked being the object of jokes. After taking off his socks and shoes, Luis put on a fresh pair of tube socks and began wrapping them with duct tape. Barnard was fascinated with the process and recorded the entire thing. After taping several layers over the socks, Luis carefully cut the whole thing down the front of his shins all the way to his toes and explained that they would make a plaster mold and then make his boots to fit.

Standing back up with his old shoes on, Barnard started looking at the displays. The first pair of boots with the sticker stating a price of $3,400 nearly gave him a coronary. He started gasping and hyperventilating, pointing at the boots. Luis grabbed him by the arm and started asking if he were alright, but all Barnard could do was bob his upper body up and down for a "yes." He cleared his throat loudly and from the right side of his peripheral vision he could see that another couple of men had joined the first two and were now a little more openly enjoying a show at Barnard's expense. He thought maybe he should just ask where the cheaper boots were.

"Um, not that these aren't nice, they're beautiful in fact, but where are the boots in the, say, hundred dollar range?" At this Luis and the four men behind him burst out laughing and yelping a couple of "ayee" sounds. He thought he heard someone mutter "stupid vato," but he wasn't so sure because Luis was leading him to the opposite side of the small showroom.

"These are our least expensive boots, senor. They will do very fine for you, but not quite as comfortable as the ostrich skin. Regular cow leather and leather soles, but still made to fit your feet. Very nice." Barnard stared in shock at the $1,540 price on the boots and then stared at Luis with his mouth open.

"They are still too expensive for you, my friend?"

"I thought that by saying I was a friend of Aunt Jeanie that I might get some kind of discount. That's how she made it seem, anyway."

"Oh, no, no discounts, I am very sorry, senor. You got the tour because you know somebody who knows the owner, but the boots are the boots. You know?" Luis displayed a grin that Barnard thought conveyed a certain smugness on the quality of the boots being beyond Barnard's means. It made him angry, but he stifled it and decided to bow out with grace before he said something he might regret.

"Oh. I'm really sorry. Thanks for your time and letting me make my video, but I can't buy any of these. I had no idea they were so much money." He shook Luis' hand and asked if he knew somewhere in Juarez he could get something to eat without getting sick and maybe get a beer.

"You don't have to worry about getting sick in Juarez, senor. That's mostly for down into Mexico where you don't want to drink the water. Very good in Ciudad Juarez. Just don't eat the cabrito from the men in the push carts, though. Even I won't do that, my friend. Give you Montezuma's revenge. Go through the walking gate and go two blocks to the left. You will find a big cafe with plenty of good tacos for you on your budget." He gave Barnard a wink that also seemed to convey "cheapskate" but he was appreciative of the tip. Heading out, he saw that one of the other men had stayed and still had a huge smile on his face and stared unrelentingly. He resisted the temptation to walk over and ask what he thought was so funny, but after the way this day had gone so far, he was feeling like the biggest joke he knew. He had gone a complete 180 from the guy he had felt he was the night before. In fact, he was beginning to wonder if he might be bipolar with these recent ups and downs. He flopped into his now rather worn Smart Car, slammed his door, and uploaded his newest video. At least he could get something out of this and over in Mexico he'd probably be off the radar from the feds. Starting his car, he saw the straggler from the showroom come out of the front door and walk in front of his car, down the building, and into the lot at the side.