Teachers Pet

48: Tell Me Everything

        "You're apologizing?" My mother was crying, unable to stop her tears from falling down her red cheeks. Gloria nodded slowly. She was apologizing for what her son had done to us, my mother mostly. We came here tonight with the expectation of being told we were losing our house. Now, I didn't know what to expect.

       "I won't make excuses for my son. But, if you will... I'd like to tell you about who he used to be. The son that I raised, the one they took away in handcuffs... that wasn't my Marcus. My Marcus would never- " Gloria gently pulled her hands away from my mother. She quickly took a napkin and wiped under her eyes. My mother rested her hands on her chest, trying to even out her breathing I think. It took Gloria a minute to look up to my mother again. She looked so ashamed and filled with sorrow. "Please let me tell you about who my son once was?" A question.

       My mother was taking slow deep breaths as she kept her eyes on Gloria. She looked guilty and full of remorse. We both came here tonight ready to apologize and beg for forgiveness I think. My mother had been through so much in the past twelve years. Marcus had done so much damage. He left his mark and no matter how much my mother throws away and replaces, his stain will always be there on our lives. But she was also moving forward the best that she could. Maybe that's why she nodded to Gloria, allowing her to tell us about Marcus. Gloria sighed, seeming thankful for this opportunity.

       "Tell me everything," my mother whispered. Everything. "I want to hear everything you have to say..." David's words brushed against my thoughts. His words from that day in the hospital... They lingered around, dancing about. I'd told him everything about Marcus. I had the need to get it all out in the open. Maybe that's what this was for Gloria. It was a chance for her to tell a story she's been holding onto for quite some time.

       Gloria took a deep hitched breath, cleared her throat, and then looked down at her empty plate. I watched as she methodically re-positioned her napkin. When she looked up she quickly dropped her eyes again to her plate. This might be the only way she can speak. My mom waited patiently, giving her all the time she needed to gather herself.

       "I married young and divorced young. But when I was married, we tried for a child for two years. We were told that I had a hormone imbalance that couldn't be treated and that my husband had a low sperm count." Gloria glanced sideways at me as if I was too young for this conversation. It made me feel less than a child. I must've expressed the offense on my face because she smiled apologetically at me. "After hearing that we would never have children without looking into other options like adoption, we got divorced. The fighting just got worse and we felt like we'd never be a family if we couldn't have one of our own. So... divorce was what we felt was best."

       "Was this during your success?" I asked. Gloria took a moment to think about her answer before shaking her head. Her eyes were back on the plate, but they grew more distant by the second.

       "I was writing my first book when we got divorced. About two months after signing the papers and getting my maiden name back, I started to feel nauseous and had the strangest craving for pickles and ice cream. It took me another month to realize I was pregnant." My mother let out a tiny laugh that she seemed embarrassed by. Gloria looked up to her, almost as if my moms' laugh had startled her.

       "I'm sorry... It's just that... When I was pregnant with Blair, I always craved pickles and Rocky Road." My face twisted in disgust at that. Gloria and my mother laughed with each other as I felt my stomach turn just thinking of the horrid combination. "I'm sorry, you were saying?" My mother gestured for Gloria to continue. Gloria nodded slightly as her eyes once again fell to her plate.