Ramblings of the crazy

Am I crazy?

No. No, I am not. I think. So why this title? Because whenever I open my mouth, that is the thought that dings through my husband's brain like one of those old screensavers. Us women, we just nag. Nothing good ever comes out of our mouthes. But how would they know though? Whenever we do open our mouth, their brain goes into instant power saving mode, replying only with an "uhuh" or sometimes even a "huh?". If your husband does listen to you and value your opinion, consider me jealous. Maybe I indeed am making some broad assumptions, but I tell myself what I have to just to keep my head up, to not drown in the whiplash relationship I am in.

As I said, I'm not crazy. Something I have to repeat to myself on a daily basis just to not forget it. But even then, sometimes I do forget, and I start to question my own sanity. They do that, you know. They'll make you feel crazy for just wanting to voice your opinion, or even for standing up for yourself when being belittled for no reason other than to make themselves feel better. I know that the day will come where I give up on my fight and just accept that I'm a crazy lady that shouldn't open her mouth and should just listen to her hubby, he knows best.

I hear you ask, why do you stay then? Truth be told, who fucking knows anymore. Maybe just because I'm lazy, and too depressed, worn down and broken from the abuse to even rack up the energy to speak up anymore. Maybe it's because I've reached an age where I know that my options are few. Or maybe... I can't stop loving the person I grew to hate so much. I don't understand one bit of it, I hate my life and I hate my mind. But it's like that, sadly, and I feel powerless. So, maybe he is right after all. Maybe these ARE just ramblings of the crazy...