Beynika
Including some parts of my life that I've been through. Most of it isn't though.
I always wonder to myself "Am I not enough?" 🤔😔
"Will I ever be enough?"😔
I'm sorry I'm not perfect, I'm sorry I'm so worthless, I'm sorry that I broke your heart, I'm sorry that I left you scarred, I'm sorry that I am still alive, I'm sorry that I still haven't committed suicide, you'll be better of without me so I should just take my life.
I'm sorry i was born, I'm sorry that I self harm, I'm sorry that you hurt me, I'm sorry you hate me, I'm sorry.... for everything"
Tears brewed in my eyes, making my vision blurry. Life was really getting to me and I couldn't take it anymore.
I went into my bathroom that was attached to my bedroom and opened my draw.
I just stared at the blades sitting there, shining brightly. My arms itched as the craved to be slit with my blades.
The urge got stronger, till i just said "fuck it" I grabbed the blades and cut over and over, watching the blood drip down.
The immense pain I was feeling was mixed with pleasure. I got lost just watching the blood flow.
When I started to feel light headed, I stopped the bleeding and bandaged up my arms and thighs.
When I was done I started at my self in the mirror. I am a fucking mess.
I don't know why but something told me I needed to go out today. Even though my legs felt like they were on fire I still decided to go out.
I took a shower, put on some makeup, enough to cover my bruises but not enough to look like I had makeup on. I put on a sweater and accompanied it with some leggings, a hat and some sunglasses.
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I grabbed my phone and purse, making sure I had everything I need in it and just left my house. I don't know where I was going but I just started walking.
My legs started getting restless so I decided to rest for a bit in Starbucks.
I ordered a caramel Frappuccino and just sat down for a bit.
Once I finished and my legs had enough strength to walk again, I got up and put my cup in the bin and started walking out. On my way out I bumped into someone, making me almost fall over.
???:"omg, I'm so sorry-"
Hold up, I know that voice.
I looked up and......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Poem/ song credit: me
Anyways this was a short chapter, I'm sorry about that.
