Beynika
Including some parts of my life that I've been through. Most of it isn't though.
I always wonder to myself "Am I not enough?" 🤔😔
"Will I ever be enough?"😔
I feel so empty and cold. I feel like I'm so misunderstood. Like no one understands me I feel drained, Lost, Broken, Dead.
I'm breathing but I don't feel alive, I feel like I'm all alone and I'm just in this fight for no reason Like who am I really alive for? Who am I living for? I just keep fighting the same battles, the same demons everyday, And I'm not winning.
As much as I tell my myself I'm getting better, I'm really not God gives his toughest battles to the strongest of his people, right? So that means im strong enough to get through this, right?
Maybe I was set up to fail, Maybe I'm just being tested, Maybe I'm being pushed to my limits till I can't take it anymore. I don't even have the energy to cut and that says a lot. It feels like someone drained all the energy out of me, every last drop. I feel hurt, broken, bruised, scarred I'm lost and I'm scared and I don't have any one else I feel hollow There's like a massive gaping hole in my heart and it's filled will pain and hurt.
I'm just tired, Tried of life, Of everything.
Have you ever felt so.... empty or lost? You're in a room full of people but you're alone You have no bruises but you feel like you've been punched over and over a million times. You're hurting but no one cares, No one is there, No one cares.
I feel misplaced, Invisible. My signs are so clear but everyone is so blind. I feel distant, Detached, Aloof.
I swear I swear I tried. I can't breathe. I feel suffocated.
A million lights are shining but I still feel so dark.
I wanna cry but I have no tears to cry. I've kept my tears for so long that I feel like I lost them , This has been building up for so long.
I feel like my happiness is a lie Like it doesn't exist I can feel happy but then I'll just feel depressed for no reason No warning no nothing Just boom, depression.
I feel like I'm gonna burst into flames There comes a time where I don't wanna be alive I just wanna sleep and never ever wake up I just wanna feel okay for once I just want one day where I am able to say I'm okay and I'm actually okay, like I'm not lying I'm actually okay I'm actually alright But I don't think that will ever happen I guess I hid my pain so much, I forgot how I was really feeling that my emotions just decided to hit me when I least expected it.
I feel so emotionless, so empty, so hollow, so dark, so cold, so.... dead.
This deafening silence in my soul is killing me.
I'm alone with these voices and it's scary......
Someone help me...... please.
Come and save me from my self.....
I'm alone and I'm scared.....
I need someone here with me😔......"
My phone went off letting me know I had a message.
It was from her.
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(That's not the actually time in the story)
I decided to leave her on read and put my phone away.
I grabbed a bottle of Hennessy from under my bed and a blunt and decided to drown myself and my thoughts in liquor. And to smoke away the pain.
I have nothing to live for. Life is too much for me.
