(Listen to the song above whilst reading this chapter.)
"Dear diary,
I just wanna fly. You know? I just wanna fly away. Become a star in the sky and never return.
I wanna break free. I wanna break free from this cage. Fly away. Leave without saying goodbye. Fly away and never look back. Ever.
I just wanna know what it's like to be happy. I don't live my life forever angry. I don't wanna be angry at my self, at the the world, at her, at life forever. I just wanna be happy. I just wanna be free.
But the thing is i have no energy left to carry on. I'm too tired. I'm tired of living. I'm tired of not having freedom. I'm just tried. All my dreams and shit are gone. I don't give a fuck about anything anymore. We live and we die. I'm just gonna live life how it goes and die how I die. I'm too tired to chase after my dreams. Too tired to sit here and imagine what freedom or my future will be like. I'm just ready for this thing called life to end. I'm too tired of life. Too tired to keep fighting. I just wanna give up."
I closed my diary and sighed. Every day is hell. Memories of what happened in the past keep replaying in my mind as if I'm reliving the moment. I never wanna relive what I've been through. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I dragged my self out of my bed and stumbled into my bathroom. I looked at the horror that stood in front of me, starring at me dead in the face.
Dark circle around her eyes, a combination of bruises and loss of sleep. Her hair dirty and uncombed, untamed.
She took her hoodie off. Underneath laid bruises and cuts everywhere. You could see her her rib cage ready to just pop out the little skin she had left on her stomach.
Many cuts sat modestly on both her arms. They were accompanied by bruises, scars, scratches, and more cuts.
She began to remove her jogging bottoms. The lower half of her body was pretty much the same as her upper half. Cuts, bruises, scars and bones ready to break out her skin.
She stood there lifeless. Broken. Destroyed. Defeated. Fragile.
I tilted my neck and frowned at the reflection in front of me. A tear rolled down my cheek as memories flashed in my mind all at once, reminding me how I got here. Love. That's what got me here.... love.
This thing called love can be so cold, it can be miserable or it can be beautiful. Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's crazy.
In my case it's cold and miserable.
I always make sure to tell my self, "if you want love, you gon have to go through the pain and if you want trust you gon have to give some away"
Love is hell. Yh I know that shit. I'm so over this shit.
She said she loved me. Yh whatever that is.
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Short chapter.
Diary entry credit: me😌.
Hope y'all enjoy it.
Sorry for any mistakes.
Love y'all🖤.
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Am I not enough???
फैनफिक्शनBeynika Including some parts of my life that I've been through. Most of it isn't though. I always wonder to myself "Am I not enough?" 🤔😔 "Will I ever be enough?"😔
