Undress to Impress (Kellic)

Chapter 4

As I’m waiting, though, I start to think that maybe I don’t want to talk to him. Or maybe I do. I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about any of this, and Mike’s suspicions are just making it even harder to come to a conclusion. Jesus Christ, it all seems so tedious. It feels like I should be able to just say with absolute certainty whether I’m into him or not, whether I approve of him or not, whether I’m willing to take a risk with him or not. I kind of want to just grab myself by the shoulders and shake myself, screaming, “Make up your fucking mind, Vic!”

Just as I’m starting to walk away from the school and its mostly empty parking lot, Kellin’s voice calls out, “Hey, Vic, hold up!”

I turn around, and there he is, quickly walking toward me. I step back to the spot where I was waiting, against the side of the building. That’s the moment that Kellin catches up to me, staring at me for a long moment before smiling lazily. “You’re really pretty,” he says slowly. “You know that?”

I narrow my eyes. Something about him seems a bit off. “I, um…”

Kellin takes a step toward me, giggling a little. “Your lips,” he says, eyes half-closed. “I’m going to kiss them.”

I don’t have the time to process what he’s just said, because then he leans forward, closing his eyes and pressing his lips against mine. For a few moments, I’m stunned, but then I find myself kissing back, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him closer to me. He wraps his own arms around my neck, threading his fingers into my hair as we kiss, surprisingly gently. His lips are so soft, but there’s a hint of a strange taste in his mouth, a taste I know all too well.

Letting go of him, I pull away slightly, looking him over before meeting his bloodshot eyes. “Are you high?”

Kellin pulls away, shrugging and leaning against the wall. “Maybe a little. But it’s no big deal.” He laughs a little, even though there’s nothing funny. “It’s whatever.”

That hits me hard, the sight of him like this. It hits me hard enough for me to make a decision: I don’t want to be with someone like this. He’s the type of person I’ve been trying to avoid.

"Kellin…" I start, but I don’t know where to go from there. What do I say? How do I say it?

"Well, I should be getting home," Kellin says, standing and nudging me as he walks past me. "See ya."

I can’t help but stare after him, still trying to process the feeling of his lips moving against mine. It feels weird, because this is what I’ve wanted for so long, but now that I have it, I don’t even want it anymore. I mean, I kind of do, in a way, but I’m deluding myself. I’ve wanted a kiss from the quiet Kellin, the innocent one, but it seems that he doesn’t really exist, so it looks like I have to let him go. I don’t want the Kellin who takes his clothes off for a living, who likes to give me something he knows I want and then leave me hanging. I don’t want the Kellin who toys with people like that.

But I’ll admit that he’s a pretty damn good kisser, even when he’s high.

—

I don’t tell Mike the details of what happened, instead offering a simple “I think it’s all over between Kellin and I.” Mike raises his eyebrows at that, asking for elaboration, but when I don’t give it to him, he just shrugs and walks away. He knows when I don’t want to talk too much about something.

At around dinnertime, he and I agree on ordering pizza. I call the place—which, by the way, doesn’t deliver—and after hanging up, I tell him, “You’re gonna be picking up this bitch.”

Mike snorts. “Ha! No.”

I roll my eyes, holding my hand out in a fist. Without question, Mike does, too—nothing like settling debates with some good, old-fashioned Rock, Paper, Scissors. I choose scissors, which Mike beats with his rock. Damn him.