BOOK TWO | bellamy blake imagines

9. amnesia

Bellamy's eyebrows knit together, "What am I supposed to do?" His voice breaks, joining his heart. Clarke stays silent. For once, she has no answer. What is she supposed to say? Bellamy's lost the woman he loves. He may never get her back. There's nothing to say anyways because they both know that no amount of positive words can be strung together to change the way Bellamy feels.

His hand guides the pen across the paper's surface as tears blur his vision. He writes. He writes about himself again. Maybe you'll remember this time.

Y/N,
This is my 8th letter to you. I'm still not allowed to see you. I'm not even supposed to be trying to talk to you either but I couldn't just let this happen. That's why I wrote the first letter and that's why I've continued to write to you. I need you to know how much I love you, how much I'll always love you.
You may not have your memories but I do. And I'll always keep them and I'll never forget how caring and kind you were. How you were always willing to do the right thing, even when I wasn't. It hurts me to write in past tense but I know you're not the same person you once were. And I understand it's hard for you.
How are you by the way? I hope your head doesn't hurt too much. I've been asking about you. Everyone says you're doing okay. I wish I was too.
Your past love, Bellamy.

Just like Bellamy's had when he wrote the letter, you felt tears burn your eyes. You weren't exactly sure how much you loved him before but you knew a part of you still ached for him - like a calling you couldn't reject. But you didn't write back.

Bellamy walks along the edge of the gate, his fingers brushing the carved letters of his and your initials. It seems like this happened so long ago. When he looks up, he sees Jasper outside his tent. Unlike Bellamy, Jasper was able to sleep last night. "How is she?" Bellamy asks the three words he seems to repeat to Jasper each day. Also unlike Bellamy, Jasper is allowed to visit you.

"She's doing fine." He answers the words Bells tired of hearing. He wishes he could hear it from you so it wouldn't sound like such a lie. "Are you?" Jasper wonders worriedly. Bellamy pauses. He's not sure how to answer the question. The focus has been on you all this time that Bellamy is the only one who knows about his own troubles.

"I'm not fine at all." His voice shakes as he answers, tears threaten to leap from his eyes like a cartoon characters does. "I wish it was me."

"Bellamy you don't mean th-"

"I do. I wish I was the one waking up with amnesia." Bellamy interrupts Jasper with his tears.

"Why?"

He doesn't even need to think of a response, he just answers instantly, "Because I can't handle her not loving me anymore. The last thing I wanted was to lose her. And look at me now. I've lost her. I feel so alone." He admits in a hushed whisper. Bellamy cries. Jasper doesn't know what to do, so he listens and Bellamy appreciates it.

Y/N,
I've come to the conclusion that this is just some twisted dream. If I woke up with you beside me I think I would have a heart attack. I would hold you closer than I ever did before. I would keep you safe. You would never slip away from me. But it's too late. This happened because of me. Because I couldn't keep you safe. I'm sorry.
Your past love,
Who hasn't slept in days,
Bellamy.

Bellamy writes the truth. In the middle of that night, he still can't sleep. He wants to see you. If he's ever going to let go, he needs to see you. His bare feet make their way to the tent you moved into and without even thinking it through, his fingers grasp the edges of your tent entrance. He pulls it back, expecting to see you laying down fast asleep, your hands between your thighs as you lay on your side. He expected to see you sleeping like you always do. But that isn't what he saw. Through the darkness of the night, he saw an empty bed. But you saw him. "What are you doing here?" You inquire from behind, making him jump as he turns around to face you. His breath catches in his throat, hands begin sweating slightly. It's you. Finally. Without you, he feels like he's gone mad. "

I-I can't sleep." He stutters as you walk past him, your body too close for him to be able to form intelligent sentences.

You enter your tent, sitting down at your bed. "I know." You reply to him gesturing to a small wooden box beside your bed, "I've read your letters."

"You just haven't replied." Bellamy states, standing idly by the door. You sigh, gulping nervously at the feeling that you and Bellamy have sat like this before sometime in the past.

"I don't know how to tell you."

"You can tell me anything, darling." He gives you a certain nod but deep down he's absolutely terrified of what you're going to tell him.

"I don't remember you, but I know you're important." You admit as you focus your eyes onto his.

"How?"

"You have this familiar look in your eyes. And I know it used to mean something to me." You explain, fiddling with your fingers. You're not sure how he's going to react. Will he start crying? Or get mad? You're not sure if you know how to handle the stranger in your tent if something goes wrong.

"It did." He tells you as he looks down, "I know you need to sleep. And I shouldn't be here..." Bellamy begins to feel restless as he stands in the focus of your lovely eyes, "but I won't ever stop loving you, you know that right?" He wonders, being replied with a small nod from you. Neither of you can help the small tears that blur your visions of each other, "You may not remember who I am but I'll never, ever forget you."