Love Letters to Sally || Louis Tomlinson

23.

23.

It's been silent for a while now. We all eat in silence, people around the restaurant steal small glances over at us probably hoping for another scene from Lottie. I stare down at my food which is cold. I only poke at the food with my fork, my appetite no longer here. I steal a quick glance over at Jean who sends my mother a polite smile and thanks her for dinner. Looking over at my mother, her lips are sealed in a frown with redness around her eyes from crying.

"Louis."

"Don't say a word." I clench my jaw interrupting Lottie who looks more bothered than the others who squirm in their seats uncomfortably. I don't dare look at Lottie, she didn't need to lie just to hurt me. I knew Sally was still alive, even though I stopped visiting her in the hospital I always would call and make sure she was doing alright.

"I think we should head back home, what do you think Dan?" Dan gives a nod towards my mum and hands the check back to the waitress. He leaves a tip on the table before we all stand up and gather out into the parking lot. I keep my eyes on anything but my family. I hug my arms once the cold air wisps around me. The cold of the night gives a familiar feeling to the terrible car accident. I can still hear Sally's screams as she flies out of the passenger seat and Thomas saying 'oh shit ' over and over again while we flip.

"Let's go Louis." Jean wraps her arm around mine, cowering into me as another gust of wind rolls around us. I notice my family already gathering in their cars, while we still stand in front of the restaurant. Nodding my head I allow Jean to pull me over to my car which has stayed here in town since I was seventeen before the accident that would take place a year later.

Jean releases her grip from me and shyly gets into the passenger seat and buckles herself in while I take my time getting into the car. Shutting the door I don't bother buckling my seat buckle, I grip onto the steering wheel and let my head fall down onto the wheel. I grip it so hard I can feel my knuckles start to crack.

"I'm so sorry Louis-"

"She's not dead." I laugh bitterly and turn my head towards Jean and give her a saddened look.

"You're mum, she never denied it Louis." My heart drops at this. Jean was correct, my mum never denied it, instead she broke down into tears but I didn't allow myself to believe the fact that my love could be dead. I shake my head stubbornly and start the ignition. I start to drive off towards my old house once again. The thought of Sally being dead was almost impossible to imagine.

I turn on my radio, not knowing what CD was left forgotten in the player. I feel at the verge of tears hearing the first song of the Coldplay CD Parachutes- Don't Panic.

"This is my favorite album by Coldplay." Jean softly says while staring out the dark window. I flash on my bright headlights and nod my head not able to say anything while a small tear runs down my face. I quickly wipe it away not wanting Jean to see how vulnerable I was at the moment. A couple of moments run by before Jean starts to sing along to Trouble,

"Oh, no, I see a spider web, it's tangled up with me, and I lost my head. The thought of all the stupid things I'd said." I smile at her sweet, angelic voice and let a few verses slide by before I start to sing along with the girl right next to me.

"And I never meant to cause you trouble, and I never meant to do you wrong, and I, well, if I ever caused you trouble, oh no, I never meant to do you harm." The song held so much more meaning than before this time, because now I figured out just how much I had caused harm to Thomas and Sally. I didn't mean to, I never meant to do harm, I never meant to do anything wrong. It wasn't supposed to end up like it had.

Soon we pull into my parent's driveway and park behind Lottie's car. I knew she would be mad about this since she likes to sneak off and go to parties, so being the brother I was, I decided to piss her off a bit. Stepping out of the car Jean tugs her small cardigan closer to her body feeling the early January weather.

"Louis." Jean stops me from going inside. She steps in front of me and places both her hands upon my shoulders. "Whatever happens tonight, just know I will always be here for you." I nod my head and she quickly pecks me on the cheek before running inside. I lightly touch the spot where she had kissed me and lightly smile.

I was surprised once Lottie ran up to me and threw her arms around me holding me tightly. She sobs into my neck, crying harder than any of my other siblings did when they first saw me. I almost wanted to question why she was touching me, but I knew better and instead hugged my sister back. I hugged her tightly; hoping that all the things she said to me tonight was only a lie to get me back. But I knew that would be too good to be true, those who are angry and say things to you are usually the truth.

"I'm sorry Louis, I'm so sorry." She sobs. Mum comes back into the living room with tears running down her face once again. My heart aches when Jean takes my mums hand and speaks to her in a hushed voice.

"Tell me it isn't true Lottie."

"I wasn't supposed to tell you like this, it was supposed to be soft and steady not through my anger." Lottie gasps for air crying harder. I unlatch her arms from me and push her back slightly holding her wrists with both my hands. I stare into her saddened, bloodshot eyes while she sniffles, tears falling faster down her cheeks. Dan brings the rest of the siblings besides Fizzy to the bedrooms; they didn't need to witness my break down I am guessing.

"Tell me Lottie." I beg my eyes growing soft looking at her quivering lip. She shakes in my grip and I could tell I made a mistake asking this question. I wasn't ready to hear the truth once again.

"She passed away during the Take Me Home tour Louis."

"She's been dead since 2013? That's four years!" I mumble letting go of Lottie who looks mortified. She looks at me with wide watery eyes waiting for me to do something but I don't. My body feels numb and all I can hear are the sounds of both Fizzy, mum and Lottie's sobbing. My mom tries to say my name but it comes out through a sob and quickly Jean hugs her and comforts her.

"Louis?" Lottie questions once I turn around towards the door. My hands shake and I reach for the door knob. I open the door and walk out into the porch, the rain falls down even harder making it feel like one of those sappy, dramatic movies. "Louis please I'm sorry!" Lottie runs out after me, I get into my car and quickly start the car. Lottie runs towards the car but I quickly put it in reverse and squeal my tires. I quickly drive off down the road as the tears stream down my face. I angrily slam my fist down at the steering wheel once I stop at a red light. My vision is blurry and the rain isn't helping me much making it slicker.

"This wasn't supposed to FUCKING HAPPEN!" I shout loudly with more tears streaming down my face. I pull up to a small park that held so many memories. I park in the parking lot and stare out the window at the lonely darkened park. The swings rock by themselves as if ghosts of children were playing on them. The water runs down the thick metal slide, and the merry-go-round turns by itself from the breeze.

Turning off my car I step out and walk over to the swings and take a seat not caring just how wet they were. I keep my head hanging low, small droplets of water drop from the strands of my hair. I pull my gray hood over my head to hide my face from onlookers that drive passed the park with their family and friends.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this Sally, you were supposed to live, we were supposed to be together, and we were supposed to live together. I shouldn't have gone out for the X-Factor, forgetting you was a mistake. If I just would have stayed and kept visiting you, maybe you would have lived." I sobbed out quietly.

I didn't need my journal tonight, because I knew somewhere she was listening to me and now I knew she wouldn't be able to read the letters I wrote out for her. She wouldn't know just how terrible my life has been, and she would never know just how much I had loved her.

{ Word Count: 1599 }