Every Lifetime I Fall {COMPLETED but undergoing revisions}

Chapter 104: Fifth Life - For a Moment

"You're an interesting person. You show no real combat skills, yet were able to defeat six Bleak Night guards, leaving them in terrible conditions."

"They are like that not because of me."

"Then are you saying you didn't beat them up?"

"Oh, I did."

"Then what are you trying to say?"

"Well, you see it's like this. When a mother or father spoils their children, giving those children whatever they want, allowing those children to use their privilege to look down on people, it leads them down a path of self-destruction. I happened to be that person who would not stand for spoiled and entitled brats, therefore taught them a lesson in their leader's stead."

"Are you saying that their Sect Leader is too lenient on them?"

"Perhaps... I don't know. Maybe he encourages their boorish behavior. Anyway, what's it got to do with you?"

He doesn't speak and lets the silence of the seeping night befall onto us.

"You don't remember me."

"I-- What?"

"At the Prime Minister's birthday celebration. You were there and so was I."

"What were you doing there?"

He looks at me with raised eyebrows.

Did I sound like I was interrogating him?

"I mean... the person you saw might have been me. But you must be someone of influence to have gotten an invitation."

"It was you. And by the way you stared at me, I figured you knew who I was... so don't lie."

"Why would I lie? I'm just a humble tea house owner." I shrugged my shoulders.

"You forgot? You saw my face and immediately said my name."

"I didn't!"

"Fine. You don't have to acknowledge me. Since you're so bold."

He takes a seat at the table I had just finished wiping.

"An order of tea," he says.

"Didn't you read the sign? We don't serve anyone from Bleak Night!" I yell.

Standing up to face me, I stare up at him feeling quite small.

"You said you didn't know me. How do you know I'm from Bleak Night?"

"I-- Um... You're right. I don't know you. I'll get yo your tea then."

Shit, shit, shit!

Running into the kitchen, I appear to have lost my mind.

Chuju walks over to check on me. "What's wrong, Young Miss?"

"Nothing. I'm just exhausted. Serve that customer a pot of Wuyi tea. I'm going to bed."

"So early?"

"Yeah... Serve the customers well and tell the others to finish cleaning up before heading out."

"Yes, Young Miss."

I drop onto the soft padding of my bed, letting out a drawn out groan of despair.

"I hate this... If we get tangle up again, something bad will surely happen!"

I pause. "To me!"

I pull a pillow close to my chest as I lie on the bed looking out the window.

I don't like to think deeply about my experiences. The lifetimes before. They tug at me and remind me that I was some miserable damsel in distress.

Maybe others would envy me for falling in love wholeheartedly, but to me it is nothing but pain. I don't want to see him because I fear I will suffer again. The violence that came along, the push and pull, I'd rather not deal with it.

It's true that I fear love and intimacy. Fear the vulnerability of allowing yourself to be swept by someone's will. Fear that perhaps I'm not worthy of true love. After all, I've failed many times. Not just with Yang Zi Huo but with anyone I ever cared about.

My family engulfed by flames, which also destroyed my childhood home leaving me and Grandma destitute. My abandonment of being a blind child led me to an aspiring love that ended in betrayal. My trusted Master shattering my child-like admiration of her astonishing leadership when it turned out she was using me. My outward pursuit of a man who could care less about my existence pitifully permitted my death.

"No... I'm not afraid at all." I try to reframe my insecurities by deflecting it.

For four lifetimes, we meet and I fall hopelessly in love.

Will that fate be the same in this lifetime?

"Yeah, right!" I throw my pillow out the window.

"You wish, you millennium old demon! If anyone should be falling, it will be you who will hopelessly fall in love with me! Muahahaha!"