Dignity

High Hopes.

A/N: I LOVE writing about this person for whatever reason but I want to express my true feelings and my outlook on this situation now. Also, I dedicate this passage to 'Kodaline', the lomls💕

17/9/19 17:37pm
So I was in the wrong, huh?
I was the one who disturbed your tranquil train of thoughts.
Well, that's what I've let myself think for this past year.
And every time I pondered over our complicated status, I always blamed myself.
Why did I have to set my mind free from the endless inquiries of 'what ifs'?
Why did I go ahead and attempt to address all those dating rumours?
Why did I allow myself to be honest and confess my feelings for you?
Those were the supposedly crucial burdens that weighed upon my every move thereafter.
But they all seem self-liberating, one might say.
Yet they were never enough for you.
I was nervous, my palms jittering like there was no tomorrow.
Though a tomorrow never came, for our potential relationship.
Instead, there was solely confusion.
And I blamed myself.

Looking back at my attitude towards this, I am aware that I need to give myself more credit.
I poured out my vulnerable heart to a guy I cared about.
I handed him the satisfaction.
Not many people I know would've had the confidence and determination to do the same.
Now he never initiates any conversation towards me, only locking eyes with me when we pass by in the hallways.
Reflecting on the long-lost, distant opportunities that we never had.
I know he cares, whether romantically or not.
It's just that he never had the guts to confront his worries.
I guess he never intended to hurt me, he had to save me from the potential fallout of our friendship.

So did you hear me, ______?
You are a coward.
You can't even defy your own fears, so stagnant in your own beliefs.
You had your chances with me, in fact I think I gave you too many.
Well, now it's over.
I cannot continue to self-destruct over your insecurities.
You know how I feel towards you.
And if you thought that I was over you the second I started to smile again, that's where you're wrong.
It took me a year to get over you, the exact amount of time it took me to fall for your captivating countenance.
And now that I am leading my own life, liberated from all the guilt, I suggest that you move on.
Because you're never gonna be mine.
Because of you, I have set my standards high.
Much higher than the peak of Mount Everest.
I only deserve the best, not many girls would be valiant enough to lay all their cards out right in front of you.
And with no regrets, I'm intrepid enough to say that maybe you weren't the one.

You aren't the best for me, and I deserve much better than someone who hides behind their distress.
I got hurt in the process, and that should say enough.
I deserve to move on, and never look back.
Proudly possessing
High Hopes.