Dignity

Tranquil.

13/7/19 1:19am
I arrived, my elegant black outfit concealing my cracks.
I came in with no expectations, out of my element.
Drugs and alcohol were hoarded in the house, waiting to be found.
Yet I strode past the temptation and took a seat in a circle of total strangers.
They were friendly, talkative and on the verge of losing themselves in the swirls of apple vodka.
I knew that my time with them before the coming chaos was limited.
So I got up, and that was when I saw her, the girl that didn't give a shit about me.
She pulled me into the most awkward hug, leaving me speechless and unable to track down my thoughts.

It's peculiar how you can walk past someone every day but never acknowledge them.
I had this moment of speculation when I approached another girl who I never conversed with beforehand.
She was holding a beer, yet she maintained a calm disposition.
We exchanged interesting topics to talk about while gazing over at the hysterical screamers.
Their incomprehensible discourse puzzled me.
Impossible to interpret.
A lot of that evening was spent observing the animosity of the increasing crowds.
I was enjoying myself, with no cares in the world.
Then I saw him.
He was looking at me, his caring countenance was filled with hope.
That was when I knew he was sober too.
The way he looked at me reminded me of how things were a year ago.
Uncomplicated, harmless.

I recall talking to his drunk friend, he was so entertaining.
We had a laugh, he was vibrant enough to make me forget about the doubts I had attached to myself.
The pieces of fear fell faster than autumn leaves.
Wanting a change in this clear-cut path.
Then he left the room, continuing to pursue the inevitable drinking game.

That was when he walked through the door, leading to where I was.
He sat next to me, and we sat there together for nearly 30 minutes.
But for us both it might as well have been for eternity.
As we were both sober, and time does not pass quickly when surrounded by the collective drunken cries.
We spoke about the illusions of the mere drunken shadows, dancing across the room.
It was an oddity for the both of us.
We shared our grudges against the mainstream trap beats booming out of the speakers.
The atmosphere was getting more chaotic by the seconds.
After a while, he told me he was heading outside in a few minutes.
He needed to find that haven, to get away from all the loud, distorted chatters.
He was so polite, he always has been.
Our eyes met for the last time that night when we parted ways.

Before I knew it, I was dragged onto the dance floor.
I could not resist the pleading voices of these girls I knew, imploring me to join them in their circle.
20 minutes passed as I swayed in time to the boisterous beats of 80s utopia.
All the drama cast away, just for the night.

I returned outside, where I laughed along to the corniest jokes until I decided to call it a night.
I went home with a group of people, all of them eager to know how I was.
I took pleasure in enjoying those moments where we bonded over those common experiences.

When I got home, I was glad to have all of these new, unforgettable memories.
It was pure bliss.
Then I settled into a deep sleep, recovering from the positively chaotic night I had endured.
The calm after the storm.
Both at the crowded party and within the quietude of my empty house, I felt
Tranquil.