Choking on Diamonds

Twenty One

The cool end of February air coated my sweaty skin as I fixed the messy ponytail on top of my head. My legs throbbed as I walked from the trail through the woods past the grass fields on campus. It was nearly five and I was ready to go home. Opting to run with Jason was a much better than the alternative than working out with Max, no matter how mind numbingly aggravating Jason could be.

I could see the puffs of air leaving my lips as my black sneakers padded on the frost bitten asphalt. Jason's body heat radiated into my arms where the track tank top didn't cover. I didn't run track a day in my life but I had some from Syd. Jason was all muscle so his body kept me warm enough without being too close for comfort. Not to mention he was a physical barrier from the harsh wind. It wasn't windy but when it blew, it felt like hell in the cold. Maybe Jason really was good for more than making me want to pull my hair out.

It didn't surprise me when he was the one to break the silence first. Jason always had something to say, but it was the nature of his words that caught me off guard. "I'm sorry about what happened a few weeks ago with Max. I was there, I should have known something was up when he and cliff disappeared."

The last thing I expected was for the man who implied I was a whore to apologize for my rape, especially weeks later. I didn't know any other way to respond to Jason than with a joke because I'd never seen an honest side of him. I stared at the blonde with a shade of disbelief on my face as I tried to laugh it off with my tired breaths. "Is that all it took for you to be nice to me?"

The blonde wrestler rolled his eyes as he scoffed at me. "I'm trying to be serious here, Klein."

"Why so serious all the sudden, Callahan? You're supposed to be the somewhat condescending and boarder line insensitive comedic relief."

Jason was quiet as we continued walking down the path towards the school, bitting the inside of his cheek as he thought of what he wanted to say. "I never watched the video. The second one, I mean. Until the other night. Someone was talking about how much it upset them...I suppose I should have been more sympathetic. Then they made me watch it and I just felt disgusted to even see it. I can't even imagine being in your position. I guess I just feel guilty," he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly as we continued to walk, his well defined biceps flexing in my face. "I guess that's a selfish reason but Atleast I'm honest, right?"

"When I found out Kenna was pregnant the first thing I thought was 'I hope she gets rid of it so I don't have to deal with it'. We're all selfish, Callahan. All we can ask for is honesty. Besides, I don't want people to pity me. I just want them to forget," I answered, surprising myself with my openness to Jason. I didn't trust anyone but myself and he could throw this back in my face as soon as five seconds from now, but I took that risk. Let him tell Kenna, see if I give a shit anymore. I thought she was my best friend for so long and now I'm reloading she didn't give a fuck about me, only herself. Her reaction to my rape was telling enough. I was done protecting her.

"I hate to break it to you, but I don't think anyone is going to forget anytime soon."

"You're so good at comforting people, Callahan."

"You said you wanted honesty!" He defended.

"How's this for honesty," I quipped. "Who were you with when you were convinced to play that video?" It didn't matter who it was, I still felt shame burning on my already pink face from the cold. It's embarrassing to know the person looking at you had also seen two guys jiz in your mouth against your will.

Jason paused again, not responding until I snapped my fingers in front of his face. "You okay there, buddy?"

"You can't tell anyone," he answered almost robotically.