blackmail | the society

trial

i open my eyes looking around my room as i'm awoken suddenly. i realise it's the cries of my child in the room next door.

"harry... babe." i whisper to the man on the other side of the bed, leaning over him.

"what?" he groans, turning over to face me.

"please can you get him to sleep tonight, i did last night... please..." i beg, fluttering my eyelashes prettily to persuade him.

"fine, just don't ask me tomorrow night, i beg." he says, i give him a quick kiss on the lips as a thank you. he gives me a small, sarcastic glare before walking slowly to the other room with his head thrown back.

i smile as i hear him talking to our child. life couldn't be more perfect.

"fuck." i shout as i wake up, sitting straight up in my bed. i set my hand on my chest, feeling as my heartbeat soars through the roof, beating rapidly. i look around, noticing all the small changes between my dream and reality, harry in my bed being one of them.

and a baby. i want my baby, so fucking desperately.

i decide i don't want to go back to bed any time soon so i consider taking myself for a walk, as it still isn't that late in the night because i'd gone to bed earlier because of a headache.

i put my trench coat and a pair of sneakers on before walking out of the front door. as i walk into town, i can see that not many people are awake and most of the houses are practically dark. i can only see because of the sheer luminosity of the moon glowing through the night, one of the only things that has been relatively consistent throughout the last month.

i sit on a bench which had previously been occupied by gretchen, listening to the wind brush through the trees. i close my eyes, to enhance my hearing around me before i slide into a sleep, lying sideways on the bench.

———————

"camilla." grizz shouts, shaking me, "camilla, wake up."

"ugh, grizz, what?" i say, sitting up, rubbing my eyes, "wait, where the fuck am i?"

i look around before remembering i'd gone for a walk in the middle of the night. i look up at grizz who is towered over me looking concerned, with luke nearby to him with the same facial expression.

"not in your house." grizz answers sarcastically. i roll my eyes, pulling myself up off of the bench using grizz's hand.

"do you want us to take you home?" luke asks, "we're on our way to set up for the trial."

"uh, no it's fine, thank you." i reply, "i need to go get changed, i'll meet you guys there."

grizz gives me another concerned look before i turn around, flicking the hair out of my face while starting to walk back to my house. for a second i was confused about why i was on a bench, but i start to recall my dream. or nightmare, i suppose.

subconsciously i think i'm guilty about my baby. but in the real world i wouldn't have wanted it, i had a whole career ahead of me but here we have nothing. god, i don't even know how i've coped here or how i would have coped in the real world.

we're all completely different people.

in the real world: allie would have never been a leader; cassandra would have been alive; harry wouldn't be relying on drugs; i would have been going to college; grizz would have been going to college; greg wouldn't have been a murderer. and so on.

i sigh, opening my door when i reach it. i go straight upstairs, throwing a baggy jumper and some mom jeans on. i tie my hair into a messy bun on top of my head and apply some masacara on my eyelashes. i look at myself in a mirror. is this too informal for a murder trial?