blackmail | the society

vodka

i woke up bright and early this morning not being able to sleep well that night after yesterday afternoon's ordeal with harry and kelly. i decide to clean up my house as i notice it's becoming slightly too messy with me not properly doing any chores as i'm not being nagged by my mother.

grizz never called me yesterday, thankfully, so i don't have to explain myself for leaving. i'm sure he would have assumed i was upset about the baby.

which i am. i had a dream last night about my parents meeting my baby for the first time and harry was there as my boyfriend and grizz was there because my parents actually like him. and my baby was perfect. my baby.

i need to think about something else. grizz wouldn't want me to drink my sorrows away but screw it, i'm drinking.

i walk over to my parents' liquor cabinet, browsing through all of the drinks before settling with vodka. i pick it up, glancing at the clock on the wall.

10.34am

not too early. i unscrew the lid taking a large swig and feel the liquid burn down my throat. god, i haven't tasted this shit in ages.

after 2 hours, half a bottle of vodka, a quick nap, a vomiting session and another quick nap, i get a message from grizz saying to eat lunch with him in the cafeteria. i roll my eyes but then realise i'm actually quite hungry so i grab my jacket and a hip flask. i pour some vodka into the hip flask in case i get thirsty. i walk out the door dancing to music in my head whilst walking down the road towards the cafeteria.

it's quite busy but i join the queue anyway, grabbing a few bits and pieces off of the side that look slightly appetising to me. i scan the room seeing if i can find grizz and i do, sitting with the boys. i make my way over to them following behind sam.

"hello pretty boys" i say, sitting next to grizz. they all smirk at me but grizz shakes his head at me.

"you're fucking drunk camilla." he says, angrily.

i shrug, "what's it to you?"

"your well-being, maybe?" he scoffs. to piss him off i pull my hip flask out of my jacket pocket, taking a large swig out of it.

"well i need something to ease the pain. it's not easy seeing someone shot or losing your fucking baby." i say emphasising the last words to him. what i forget about is the other three boys sitting there.

i turn to them before saying to them sternly, "do not repeat that to anyone. or i swear to fucking god i'll--"

i'm stopped as a gunshot rings out through the cafeteria. i freeze.

the last time i heard that noise, someone was killed. cassandra was killed.

grizz yanks my arm trying to pull me under the table and i oblige being too drunk to try to attempt to stop the argument that's currently happening on top of the tables.

"grizz i'm scared." i whisper through tears.

"i know, so am i." he replies, grabbing onto my hand and caressing it with his thumb.

i zone out of the argument happening over the tables, concentrating on not letting myself have a panic attack as i struggle to breath. i can't breath. i can't breath.

before i know it, grizz is pulling me away from the table. i panic even more thinking that people are shooting but it's the alarm which is blaring through the large room.

we make it outside, with people running away but i can't stand anymore. i feel weak. i collapse on the floor under grizz. he's trying to pull me up but i can't breath. my chest is heavy and i can't feel any air going into my lungs. i feel like i'm dying.

"grizz i can't walk. grizz, i can't do this." i cry, and he puts his hand on his forehead, pacing around.

"grizz! camilla! what the fuck are you doing?" jason shouts at us, whilst running back.

"she's having a panic attack." grizz shouts back, "i'll wait here for her. i'm not leaving her."

"jesus, grizz. use your brain." he says, scooping me up and shoving me over his shoulders, whilst running away. i manage to see, through tears, grizz running behind us.

--------------------------------

we sit in silence, our minds blown after the events in the canteen earlier. i'm shaking due to the aftermath of my panic attack mixed with my still drunken state. we're currently waiting for gordie to come back downstairs after talking to allie but instead allie comes downstairs slowly. i look up at her tearful eyes as she looks around at everyone of us.

"so, you all had a fucking powwow, huh?" she sighs, "you went through every other option... and came up with me."

"allie..." will tries to cut in.

"shut the fuck up, will. i'm talking." she retorts, he shakes his head.

"all of you think that this is the only way. And you're sure? you've decided?" she questions, everyone nods lightly.

"if you're gonna put this on my shoulders, then you had better be there for me every minute, every second of every day, by my side." she says. i approve of her demand, nodding my head affirmatively.

gordie replies first, "we will."

then will, "of course."

allie steps down the last couple of stairs, giving an intense stare to each of us. she raises her voice slightly, "no, really think about it. don't nod your heads like idiots, don't give me an easy yes."

"yeah, allie, we'll protect you." luke says after looking around, asking for reassured looks. i smile slightly as i'm glad luke's the boy to say it.

"and if I have to make a decision and i don't know the answer, which, by the way, i won't." she admits, i bow my head in shame. i feel awful that we're leaving this all on her.

"we'll all be with you, every decision, every second, like you said."

"sure. okay." she says after a while of consideration. then heads around turning to walk up the stairs, leaving us with, "but fuck all you, and i mean that."

i place my head in my hands on the table, crying lightly, praying that nobody acknowledges my emotional state. instead, i get a round of people saying my name sympathetically. i feel a hand on my back and look at grizz who is leaning over me, telling me that he would take me home. i get up nodding my head but stumble slightly as i'm unbalanced. grizz snakes his arm around my waist supporting me while escorting me outside, pulling me towards my home.

a/n i feel like it's been a while since i've updated, sorry!! <3

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