Less Than Perfect

{2} Two Sides of Every Video

The small video box was at the corner of the screen, a common design for YouTubers that gamed. My brothers were the one who taught me a bit about editing and programming, but I was still a novice at it. Since I was on my own now, I resorted to basic, simple methods of editing.

"Anyway," I smiled. "Let's get into Cat Quest. You guys don't understand how much I squealed when I saw how cute the animations were for this. Literally as I was downloading the game, I stared at the little orange cat the whole damn time. I mean, look at him! He has a freaking hat!"

The 'new game' button flashed across the screen, white letter flickering as I moved my mouse to hover over it. Clicking it, storybook letters usurped the screen of black as if I was reading a fairy tale.

Except this game wasn't about princesses or crazy step-mothers.

Dark, intimidating music played in the background as a creepy, faceless wizard came out of nowhere in the game taunting the cute, orange cat.

And then the wizard took my character's sister. Talk about a bummer.

"Hey!" I exclaimed just like the chat bubble. "This bastard of a wizard just took my sibling. What did she do wrong? We're just a bunch of orphan cats, wizard dude."

A cute bubble that resembled a floating Pokemon started following my character, telling me he was my ally and that we had to chase after the wizard to save my sister.

"Oh, you don't say," I sarcastically remarked, pressing the enter button. "So, let me get this straight. I'm taking my cat nap, and an evil wizard that I don't know at all comes out of nowhere threatening to destroy the cat world and proceeds to kidnap my beloved sister?" I paused for a moment, tapping my chin. "Yeah, this is the plot of every kid's show I ever saw. No wonder my sense of humor is so twisted."

I clicked again for the next part of the story line. My character was thrown into a head-on combat within the first two minutes of the game. There were enemies surrounding me, and the evil wizard sat in the corner of my screen, taunting and mocking me.

My fingers hovered over the attack keys of my desktop, spamming my abilities as more and more adorable but deadly minions surrounded me. The blue bubble that hovered over my character's shoulder was my only guide. Funny how he thought teaching me combat while fighting was the smartest choice, but to each their own.

"Why must all cute things cause me such pain?" I whined, almost smashing my keyboard. "It's like the cuter the character, the more damage it does to me, and this is only the tutorial!"

Finally, I managed to escape their crummy clutches, and the chase was on again.

As the time passed, the worries and stress of my life dissipated into the thick atmosphere around me, tension emitting from my body and melting as the game possessed my state of mind.

The thrill of exploration, of strategies, of the unknown of another game overtook my senses. In video games, developers created each one with a purpose, developed a puzzle for people like me to figure out.

Granted, Cat Quest wasn't much of a puzzle, but it was immensely entertaining.

The tutorial was over, and my character was on a quest to find his sister with the handy blue bubble.

"What's this blue thing's name?" I asked aloud. My brows furrowed when it started yelling at me. "Whoa, man. I'm the one doing the fighting. You're just a personification of my thoughts."

As I went through the game, I started talking in the video as if I was talking to my friends, treating the camera like another person. In a way, the camera was the eye that reached thousands of others.  Little things, little quirks would resonate with them, making my followers feel more at home, feel comforted during their dark days. 

I wasn't the most popular Muslim on the internet, and I might never be excessively popular. I was known for my commentary, my sarcasm, my rants, my vlogs. Well, not really those vlogs since that was a once in a lifetime type of deal. 

I didn't have all the time in the world for that. Also, who would want to sit there and watch my daily life like a total creep? The gates to privacy were always closed in regards with me. The internet only saw what I wanted them to see, not what I saw in myself. 

Sadness crept behind me like a looming darkness threatening to shatter my existence with its force, violent and hostile. There were so many imperfections that laced my heart, a shredded embroidery across my soul, beautiful but tortured. 

It wasn't crazy. 

It wasn't mental.

It was a bittersweet longing for more, for the lives my friends were leading, for a future that wasn't so unpredictable like my path currently was. 

Not now, Kanza, I told myself. 

Once again, I forced my smile to widen, public scrutiny clawing inside me. "Anyway, I think it's time for me to cut this video. Your girl has some serious unpacking to do, and if I play any more, then I might be sucked into the vortex of cat puns and evil wizards," I laughed. "See you guys next time. If you haven't subscribed to it, what's wrong with you? I'm totally the best YouTuber around, so do yourself a favor and subscribe!"

With a press of a button, the video ended as quickly as my tranquility did. Tears welled in my eyes, and I never felt more alone in such a small space. My chest constricted along with the shallow breaths that escaped my dry lips.

Why am I crying? Why do I feel so alone? 

Perhaps I was crazy. 

Assalamualaikum!

Before anyone asks, yes, that's a real game along with every other game I'll mention in this book. No worries! You don't need to play them to understand. I will do my best to explain each game so it's as if you're playing through Kanza's eyes. 

Keep in mind, Kanza is a beauty and gaming Youtuber. 

Anyway, how many of you guys read the other two books before this one? It's okay if you didn't. But if you're tired of waiting for an update, go read them ;)

Don't forget to vote, comment, and follow!