Too Far From Texas

Chapter Thirty

"What do you mean?"

"Why even go to his concert next month? Just break it off completely, block his number, let it be over. Don't leave the carrot dangling."

I bit my lip as I looked at my lap again. I nodded slowly. I knew what she meant, and she had a point. I just couldn't do it.

"I guess...I just need the closure," I admitted. "If I rip off the band aid, it's like I didn't give the wound time to heal."

I heard Lor sigh, no doubt exasperated.

"I get it, I guess," she said. "But God, sometimes I wish you weren't a writer! Your fucking imagery and analogies are so annoying."

I glared at her. "Hey!"

"I know, I know," she rolled her eyes, gesturing between us. "Pot, kettle."

"Bye, sweet girls," I called to Jasmine and Emery, and blew them a kiss.

"Bye, Mommy!" said Em. "Have a good trip!" She gave me a wave and multiple air kisses before I closed the door behind me.

Since the girls were staying with Tod for the weekend anyway, I told him I had to go out of town for work, and he agreed on my dropping them off on Wednesday evening after dinner. Ever since I'd come back from L.A., Tod had been oddly cordial to me. Not that we were friends or anything of the sort, but he just seemed a lot more agreeable. Lorelei joked that since he'd found out I'd been seeing someone, he'd probably gotten the message that he was no longer in control of me. Though I imagined a piece of that might have been true, I wasn't holding my breath that he'd never show his true colors again.

Once home, I began packing my suitcase. Opening my drawers, I pulled out some pajamas and laid them inside my bag first. Blinking hard, I willed myself not to turn around and grab the item I'd wanted to. No doubt my eye had caught it laying there between my winter pjs and the back of the drawer with its muted purple floral print.

I'd slept in it that night I'd listened to his voicemail, then lingered in it most of the next day until I'd finally gotten up and made myself take a shower. I hadn't wanted to wear it again for fear that I'd end up having to wash it, thus relieving it of Harry's scent completely. Instead, I'd laid it next to me on the bed the next night, pretending in my head I was using it like a blanket, when really I was imagining him lying beside me. On the third night, I finally told myself I was being ludicrous, and if I was ever really going to move on, I had to let him go. So to the back of the drawer it went.

I packed the rest of my things, opting not to bring anything that reminded me of Harry. That didn't leave me with much other than office attire, but Lorelei had mentioned shopping. So I figured if I needed something I didn't bring with me, I could always just buy it there in New York. I wasn't sure what all she had in mind, but I was willing to bet it included at least one night out.

Closing the zipper, I grabbed the handle and set the suitcase on the floor by the door. By the time I showered, dried my hair and slipped into a nightgown, it was after ten so I got into bed and prepared myself for a restless night since I knew I had to get up before dawn. When I grabbed my phone to set an alarm, however, that was when I noticed I had a new voicemail. My thumb grazed over the screen for a while, my mind battling with my heart until I finally decided to open my clock, set the alarm and turn out the light.

Though the moonlight cast a shadow on the opposite wall, I could barely make out his silhouette. He was there. I knew he was, as sure as I knew the back of my hand. But it was as though a fog separated us, a thickness in the air.