Scattered Landmines

seven

I hug her and put my hand on the back of her head, pulling her closer to my shoulder. "Of course I am, I can't wait to meet her and her mom. I'll make sure there is an extra place set at dinner for her so she can eat with us," I say, releasing her but giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. I have to take them when I can get them because they are few and far between these days. She likes to think that if I wasn't her mother that we wouldn't be friends, but I would like to believe that's not true.

"Ok, thanks, mom. I can walk Brooks to school if you want to stay here." I am surprised and amazed at how thoughtful Cami can be. It makes me feel like I'm doing something critical in life right.

"No, that's ok hun. On the way home, I need to make a stop at a coffee shop I went to yesterday. I didn't have my wallet on me, so I owe them money for my coffee. Shoot that reminds me, I need to go and grab my wallet before I forget." I almost forgot again to bring my purse, and I am thankful for the quick reminder so I can go back to my room and retrieve it.

After I grab my purse, I check to make sure my wallet is inside. I wake Brooks up, so he has a sufficient amount of time to get ready for school, and I head downstairs into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. The coffee is on an automatic timer and is already full, ready to be poured. The steam coming out of my cup hits my nostrils awakening my entire body. It amazes me how your mood can change just from one cup of coffee.

While I am enjoying my caffeine fix, I proceed to whip up eggs and toast for Cami and Brooks, then pack their lunches and snacks for school. Right as I was finishing up, they came down to eat breakfast, and soon enough, we are all out the door with our winter gear on, and en route to our separate destinations.

Cami's school is around four streets past Brooks' so she follows a few steps behind us blaring music through her AirPods and humming along to whatever tune she is playing. I motion to Cami through her music that we are at Brooks' school and wave goodbye to her. She removes an AirPod from one ear and mumbles, "See you guys later."

"Love you too, have a great day!" I yell loudly enough to send her eyes rolling because the thought of anyone else hearing my words of affirmation has that effect on her.

"Mom, you can drop me off here. I don't need you to walk me in today. No one else's parents walk them in." I won't lie, the rejection slightly stings, but I am also impressed by his independence. The signs of him growing up are all there, and he feels confident enough not having to use me as an amenity in providing comfort for small self-reliant tasks any longer.

He hugs me, and I press his head into my stomach, trying to hold back tears, "Ok, I love you and remember Cami and her friend will be walking home with you. Have a great day today." I hand him his lunch bag.

"Love you to mom," he says while he is walking toward the courtyard.

Not more than ten minutes later, I am back at The Red Rooster, and before entering, I can already smell the aroma of boiling coffee. The line in the coffee shop is longer than it was yesterday, so while I wait, I pull out my phone and have three missed texts and calls from Jake. Until this very moment, it slipped my mind that I had called Jake last night in my drunken state. What the hell was I thinking?

Jake: Did you try to call me?

Jake: Is everything ok?

Jake: Did something happen with the kids? Can you fucking answer me?

I lie in response, Butt dial. Everyone is fine.

Just like that, I feel like a drunken twenty-one year old, making an impaired decision without rationalizing the outcome of my thoughtless choice in a moment of weakness. I would never have called him otherwise unless it was an actual emergency. The day he showed his grotesque disloyalties, my desire to be married to my "devoted husband" concluded. My hand pinches the bridge of my nose yet again as I can feel my headache starting to reoccur.