Nothing Else Matters (A Pesy Story- Sequel to "Only You")

can't let nobody's words be the why we ain't speaking

The armrest between her and Jade has been raised, and Jesy's curled into Jade, as she always seems to be nowadays. I feel my jealousy flare, even though I know I have no right to be jealous.

Jade catches my eye, leveling me with a look that could almost be pitying. Somehow, this is worse than the angry glares she's been sending my way at every opportunity. She's still not speaking to me, and I don't blame her. I'm the only one to blame here.

Jesy still says things like hello and goodbye. She never touches me, though. No hug, no handshake, no nothing. I guess a handshake would be sort of ridiculous at this point, considering how intimately we know one another, and a hug would just be too... hard.

I feel a hand on my leg and I start, my whole body lifting out of my chair for a minute before I settle, realizing it's just Leigh.

"Try to sleep, Pezza," she tells me, giving me the same sad smile she always gives me nowadays. "There's nothing to be done right now, yeah? It's time to sleep. You can worry about things when we're back in England."

I nod my head at her and give her my most-convincing smile, which is not at all convincing if the sad look she gives me in return is any indication.

She tucks the complimentary plane blanket around me a little tighter before rolling over and making her own attempt at sleep.

I roll towards the window, not wanting to torture myself with looking at the actual Jesy any longer. Instead, I go back to the Jesy on my screen, scrubbing the video back to catch up on what I missed while I was staring at actual Jesy.

"It's actually a very embarrassing story," screen Jesy says. You can tell she's pulling words out of thin air at this point, 'cos she doesn't look like she means anything that's saying. She'd just come off as tired to anyone else, but I know better.

"Um, but, 'cos Perrie's not here I actually can't share the story, because I don't know that she would allow me to share it."

Ouch. I'm not sure if that's meant to be a dig, but it feels like one. Whether it is or not, she has every right to say what she said. If I had just allowed her to speak truly about our relationship the first time, then we wouldn't be in this giant mess.

"But, we've only kissed once, and, yeah," she lies, looking distracted. The camera cuts just as she says something else. I'm dying to know what it is, but I know that, if it's been cut, it must've been something incriminating about the time we were together. Our team is being much more careful about the content we put out nowadays, and I know that whatever Jesy said must not have made the final Modest! approved cut.

I decide to switch off youtube then and just pop on some soft piano music to try and get to sleep.

10 minutes into my attempt, I know I'll be unsuccessful. I am consumed with the need to know what Jesy said once the camera cut. I already know all there is to know about our relationship, obviously, but this is the first thing she's said regarding me since our very public ending on the Late Late stage. I want to know what she's said and why management thought it was too dangerous to let her say it.

In theory I could ask Jade, but in actuality, there's no way I can ask Jade. And even if I did, it's not like she'd tell me anything. She's right pissed at me still, and we haven't spoken since she came to chew me out. Asking her a question like this would only get me another tongue lashing, or maybe an actual  lashing. She's always been quite protective over Jesy, but I'd never realized how protective until recently.

I could ask Leigh to ask Jade, but I can't imagine that would go well either. Leigh's been very good about being non-judgemental, and being there for me when I need her, but I know she wouldn't approve of this, much less help me do it.