Here Comes The Sun

twenty-two

l i k e a y o u n g l e o n a r d o d i c a p r i o

august 11th
toronto

    WITH THE SNAP OF A FINGER THREE WEEKS HAD PASSED. At least, for him. For me, on the other hand, these weeks went by like a very old lady whose legs were cut off. Time has the nasty habit of making seconds feel like minutes, minutes like hours, hours like days, but only when you're waiting for something. Perhaps you're waiting for time to pass by or perhaps you're waiting for something or someone. A someone very special to you, but that someone thought Canada's inhabitants were more important than a loved individual. Each time he posted a politics-related or paying tribute to his voters video on his Instagram or Twitter, he indirectly spelled out a word to me, and all of his video's combined made: 'I don't need you anymore'. The butterflies' heads in my tummy had been viciously ripped off, their bodies apathetically crushed to ashes, and with that, the flame that kept my loving and admiration warm had been extinguished.

    I had forced myself to take distance from Hart, yet each day I found my fingers hovering above the keyboard on my smartphone while his chat was open. The was nothing more I longed for than seeing his name pop up with a message underneath. It didn't matter what he said, as long as I surely knew I crossed his mind. During these three weeks I had wondered whether he had forgotten me. Perhaps I was just a nurse, just like the press were just the press, and the fans were just the fans. But then an accurate thought flooded through my head, a thought reminding me of the fact that we had kissed. On July seventeenth he had made me feel so incredibly special, and that feeling was so incredibly addictive that I could kill to have it back. All that time I had been thinking the attention he gave me was rare, but now I believed he did that to every girl.

    "You're dressed up nicely. Red lip stick looks really nice on you." My mom kissed my bronzed and blushed cheek as I tried walking past her in the kitchen. Make-up tutorials on YouTube were a gift from heaven.

    "Where are you going?" Dennis sat on the couch watching a football match, but had turned around to look at me and have a proper conversation.

    "Rum & Drum, they've organized an open stage night," I explained as I fetched my bag, "I'm going there with Miles and his boyfriend."

    And just like that, bag swung around my shoulder, I walked my way to Rum & Drum. The sound of my heels clacking on the pavement made me feel very self-assured. There was no lying about it — I looked good in my little black dress, popping lipstick and high heels. But most importantly, I felt good. Who needs a man to feel good? I thought to myself, knowing if Hart would give me a call, I'd immediately be on my knees. In both ways, probably.

    The doorknob of the large door felt noticeably warm underneath my hands, and gave me a preview of what the sphere was going to be inside. As soon as I opened the door, a standing ovation and a whole lot of cheering filled my ears, forced me to follow the sound. I walked through galaxy-inspired purple corridors, passing all kind of human creatures. Some were kissing, some were just talking, some looked upset, and I couldn't help but read all of their faces. Individually so gorgeous, an endless diversity, because not a single person is the same.

    Luckily, the open stage hadn't opened yet, and instead a song by Lil Nas X was playing. I established myself at the bar and within a few seconds a bartender came running to me.

    "Can I help you?"

    "I don't think you can," I answered.

    The thirty-ish guy frowned his brows at me.

    "Eh," I said, "can I have a bee- a glass of wine, please?"

from hart feingold's eyes

    All heads turned, all eyes followed her elegant movements, all minds awed when she almost tripped over her own feet. Those were high heels, and I imagined her walking around like that in the hospital. She was all by herself, walked over to the bar where he ordered a glass of wine. The world faded around me, everything darkened, except for her. Nova Kaufman, she was one of a kind. An angel who did not want to be labeled like that, a gift from the seventh heaven.

    Then, all of the sudden, she turned around. With a little 'fuck' escaping my mouth, I pushed myself as far as I could into the couch and held my glass of rum and coke in front of my face as if that didn't make it all even more obvious.

    "The fuck are you doing?" Liz asked.

    "I think he's suffering from spastic attacks again," Zed joked. I threw a fake laugh into the game of giving Hart Feingold an inferiority complex and manned up soon after.

    "Wait a minute," Liz moved her ass to the tip of the couch and squinted her eyes, looking into the distance. My heart skipped a beat when I realized her eyes were focused on the bar. "Are you seeing this too, Zed?"

    Zed played along with Liz' dramatic act, squinting his eyes as well. "I think I'm seeing what you're seeing, and I think Hart's seeing what we're seeing."

    "I think Hart saw what we see before we saw it," my not-so lovely cousin said.

    I rubbed face with both hands, sighing deep into the palms. "Unbelievable."

    "No, you!" Liz pointed her finger at me in a rather aggressive way, "You're unbelievable, because you're ghosting the bitch you fucking like. Tell me fucking why, because you're scared they're going to hurt her to get to you? What about us, your family, you're going to ditch us too? Live in the fucking moment, enjoy the fucking moment."

    "I wonder what you sound like without all that cussing," I said.

    "I wonder what you sound like without all that pussyness."

    Nova had found Miles together with another boy, and they walked to a table where they sat down with their drinks. Someone entered the stage with a guitar, a fit looking guy with a wholesome baby face going on, and all of the sudden Liz got quiet. She looked at him with fire in her eyes, and I could taste what she was thinking. An innocent boy who she could dominate. Yes, my cousin was something else in a very fucked up way.

    "Hi, I'm Ids," he said. His hair and outfit reminded me of a young Leonardo DiCaprio. "Eh, enjoy?"

    And that was when I saw it. His eyes landed on Nova. He smiled. Nova smiled back. And I, I just downed my drink.

_________

oh hell yes I'm back. be prepared for this young, lovely leonardo dicaprio look-a-like >:)