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july 3rdtoronto

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july 3rd
toronto

            WITH TWO HANDS FIRMLY CLAMPED AROUND THE WHEEL, I thoroughly inspected fellow students passing my car divided into groups of friends. Seeing them simply enjoy listening to each other's conversations provoked unlimited loneliness, and clarified their laughter and dialogue, lit up the outside sky, while the space in my car was clouded with ominous dark thoughts. Still, I didn't understand why being lonely sometimes upset me so much considering the fact that I had not been surrounded by actual friends ever before – I couldn't miss what I never had had.

            Crystal entered the parking lot with two other girls that were probably in her class, and she seemed to recognize my car. Her eyes investigated the license plate, and when she was sure that it was mine, her eyes traveled up to the window behind which I sat. We made eye contact for a few seconds, but just when I was about to send her a greeting smile, she apathetically turned her head away.

            During my drive to the hospital, I forced myself to appreciate the love and affection I got from the people who truly cared about me like my mother, Dennis and Chelsea, but the knowledge of people my age not being interested in me like they were, proved that there was something terribly wrong with me. Guys with the immature age of twenty viewed me as a sex object who didn't have the capacity to speak, therefore I was an easy prey – Leo and Miles wouldn't give two shits if I was bawling my eyes out, unless they'd get sex afterwards. Leo was a bit complicated; when I first met him, the only intention I had was to befriend him – as naïve as that was – but he used it to get in my pants. I accepted it, but the friendship I longed for never came out of it. And that acceptance turned out to be a mistake, a mistake that taught me to think a little more straight before accepting a relationship only consisting of sexual intercourse – and I appreciated that mistake, because it gave me the ability to reject Miles. If only I was the perfect woman, and didn't make any mistakes at all – what nescient create would I be? As biology taught us; error and trial.

            "Nova, hi." As soon as I had entered the hospital, Chelsea was waving at me from the counter. Unfortunately, the woman knew me a little too well, and she investigated my face where after her brows raised up. "What's with the somber face?"

            "Nothing," I sighed and threw my bag behind the counter, "nothing I should be somber about."

            Chelsea pouted her lip as she spun her chair around to face me. "Is it about that boy you told me about the other day?"

            "Miles?" I threw on the nurse coat, and shook my head. "Anything special you want me to do?"

            "Well, maybe visit the boy in room thirty-four."

            "Why, is there something wrong with him?" My heart started beating a little faster.

            "It looked like he was looking for something, or someone last night. He walked around the hospital like four times."

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