I Walk The Line (A Bucky Barnes Fanfiction)

Chapter 37

I'd almost gotten used to waking up in a hospital bed at this rate. I had no idea how long I'd been asleep. It certainly did not occur to me that going to sleep on the jet back from HYDRA could've meant dying, with the whole head wound and blood loss, you know. I just remember really not caring at that point. About anything.

That kind of didn't change, in a weird way. I knew I was happy to be back home, to be safe and sound, surrounded by people I love. But, at the same time, I felt quite indifferent about it all. I didn't really care when I'd get to see another person, or who it was gonna be. I was perfectly content staring at the ceiling.

It took some time for me to remember everything that happened. I slowly reconstructed the scenes in my head, piece by piece, trying to recall every detail and place it right where it belongs. Like a twisted, sick puzzle. Waking up at that room, my bloody jeans, crawling through puddles of blood, the way Miles clutched his thigh right where I shot him. That first guard whose clothes I stole. The smell of the woods outside. Seeing Bucky for the first time again, the reflection of the sun on his metal arm, flashing through the crowd. Every single bullet I put through Miles' head.

Still indifferent.

I don't know how long I'd been awake for before someone came in. I heard the knob turn and the door softly creak open. It seemed as though I'd forgotten how to function as a normal human being, because I clearly heard the door open and close, but I didn't even think about looking to see who it was. Not that I wasn't curious - it just didn't cross my mind.

It was Bucky. He saw me turn my head lazily and look at him, and he stopped dead in his tracks.

"You're awake", he stated, almost dumbfounded. What was he expecting? For me to be in a coma forever? He got even more confused when I didn't say anything. Usually, I'd reply with something mildly funny or sarcastic, but I didn't feel like wasting my breath at that particular moment.

"How are you?" He finally spoke as he sat on the chair next to my bed.

I took a few seconds to think about it. "I don't really know. I just woke up."

That's when it hit me - for the first time in years, things were awkward between us. The silence that settled after my answer was suffocating. I had to remind myself that I loved him, in my head, just for a second. The feeling had faded, or so it seemed.

I know he sensed it. He could always do that. We never had to make a big deal of saying 'I love you' for the first time, because we'd felt it in each other. It became like a buzz in my ears whenever he was around, whenever we were together. But, as I laid in that hospital bed, everything was dead silent. His feelings didn't change - mine did.

He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. "I'd actually like to see Bruce. I wanna know when I can get out. Can you fetch him for me, please?"

Bucky nodded, got up and left the room.

--------------------------

I was cleared to go a few days later. While I was still in hospital, everyone came down to see me, every day. Tony brought snacks, Thor would always tell me a dumb joke that made him laugh really hard, Nat always made sure to tuck me in and kiss my forehead before she left. Bucky would come by too, but he never stayed for long.

When I was finally discharged, he came to pick me up and help me to our room. The elevator ride was silent. So was the walk to our door. He opened the door for me and let me walk in front of him. The air felt heavy. There was so much to be said, yet, we didn't say a word.

I sat on the edge of our bed and looked around the room. Almost nothing had changed. There was a thin layer of dust on our bedside drawers, on my book, and the lamps. The sheets were new and clean, soft to the touch. Our pillows stayed the same - his indented right in the middle, where he would lay his head, while mine was almost flattened at the bottom left corner. I always slept in a fetus position. I'd make myself the smallest I can be, and get as close to Bucky as possible. I'd touch my forehead to his bicep, and that's how I'd fall asleep, every single night.