Watching {Vkook}

2.

Taehyung pov

I dont sleep very much anymore. i stay awake making sure Jungkook doesnt get a nightmare and sometimes i stay awake just because. i like to watch the door, i made sure i could see the window from where the bed was. i triple check to make sure everything is locked. i always make sure im the last one leaving a room so i can be sure its empty. I dont like the 'habits' I've picked up but i cant do anything else. i thought Jungkook would be safe before, look what happened. He's permanently scarred because of me. about a year after we moved to the farm Jungkook stopped eating because "His stomach disgusted him now" and i started blaming myself, saying i should have been faster, i should have never left the bathroom window unlocked, i should have been more careful and i shouldn't have even given Song the chance to get near Jungkook which eneded up with me wanting to punish myself. i couldnt hit myself like my father would do so i started burning my skin, it reminded me of my father pressing cigarette butts to my skin. it escelated from there, pinching my skin till it bled, scratching, keeping my headaches and avoiding taking meds when im sick, picking at scabs, purposely letting myself run into objects, and cutting. I'd cut over old scars and tell Jungkook that it must just be the light thats making them look fresh. He was skeptical, but always believed. There was one thing I always wanted to do but never could, let Jungkook go. I felt he'd be safer without me, he'd be happy and he'd be able to escape all the things he went through with me. I purposely get in fights with him so he'll want to break up with me, but he never does. He's just angry for a little, then a few hours later he hugs me and wont let go until i smile. I love him, but I'm whats hurting him. If Song never would have helped me meet him none of this would have ever happened to him, and i just wish i could change that for him. I wish we never would have met at all. I wish we never would have fallen so hard. I wish Jungkook could have married someone and had a proper life and family.

Jungkook smiled at me, grabbing my hand.

"Seokjinnie hyung said he brought a surprise!"

I smiled back, following behind Jungkook as he led me outside everyone was already outside, Namjoon and Jimin were chatting happily with Winwin and Seo, Yoongi was groaning about the sun, hiding his eyes in Hoseoks hoodie and Jungkook was now excitedly talking to Jaehyun and Taeyong. Jin came down the driveway in the old red truck, a trailer pulled behind it. Everybody gathered around like children and Jin opened the door, grabbing a lead and coaxing out an animal he called "Eomookie"

"Meet Eomookie everyone!"

out came a black and white horse that everone cooed at.

"Namjoonie?"

"yes hyung?"

"Can you take him to the barn? i have another one to pick up."

we were all shocked, where did jin get the money to buy two horses? Namjoon took Eomook to the barn and everyone followed. soon jin was back with a whole truckload of supplies and a horse he called Odengie. Apparently they're brothers. jin got everyone to help unload the truck, then taught us how to care for them. We'd do it in shifts. we all headed inside. everone went up but Jin and I.

"Hyung?"

"hmm?"

"Where'd you get the money for two horses?"

"well someone made an offer on my old house so i accepted and got the money sent to a PO box."

"hyung... you sold your house?"

"Tae. I haven't been there in three years. i dont know if I'll be going back."

"So you think the eleven of us will have to live here forever?"

"of course not. but i like this house and i want to keep it."

"You dont even want to go back."

"not really Tae."

"really hyung! you want to stay here!? away from everyone? away from everything? for what? the house you 'love' so much? I've heard you complain. I'm not stupid."

"Kim Taehyung. dont yell at me."

"Im going to yell all i fucking want! you dont want our old lives back! you want to pretend we're all your children and you can boss us all around! Well guess what! youre not! Nobody likes all of your stupid rules and things you do! everybody thinks your dad jokes are stupid and you should just stay as a cook! thats what youre good at!"

I didnt know what i was saying. i didnt know what it would cause. i didnt mean it. I dont deserve a friend who cares like Jin so i should just get him to hate me. and i succeeded.

"Kim Taehyung."

his voice quivered and he was on the verge of tears.

"Get out. Get out of the kitchen i belong in."

and i did. I didnt want to stay there anymore. i didn't like hearing Jins broken voice, so i went up to my room. Jungkook sat angrily on the bed.

"What the hell? He just bought two fucking horses to make us happy and you do that!? its his own house! and what? you dont like living with all of us? You dont have to then."

Jungkook pushed past me and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

he didnt come back to the room that night.

so, ANgST IS HErE

I dont have much else to say, so..
Much love
~Zoey💜