Crave | k.th.

8.

Lunch was quiet mostly.

I didn't mind it because I was able to enjoy my time with her even if we didn't speak much. It was the perfect opportunity for me to tell her the truth but I failed and now my time is running out to be with her.

I have to get back soon.

I watched her get up from the table silently. She grabbed my dish and took it along with hers to the kitchen. I observed the way she brought the containers down and placed the leftover food into them.

Wonder why she's doing that?

I got up from the table and walked over to her. I was curious why she did this.

"You can take them with you. You may get hungry once you get home."

Never did I say a word and she answered me as if she knew what I was thinking. She does this often. She must have been a mind reader in a past life.

It would be easier if she could pull the truth without me speaking a word.

Why is this so hard?

I've been all around the world. Performed in front of countless people. Survived almost everything that this industry could do to break me and yet the one fear that is terrifying to conquer is standing right next me.

The possibility of having...love with someone and being who I am strips me to nothing and I'm bare.

Her focus now is not on me but mine is to her as my eyes never left her and now I need her.

Always need her.

I hugged her close to me and I hum. Music can be my expression and the tune I sing to her could not be more perfect.

It has prepared me for this day.

Her smell is sweet like vanilla or honey and she's so soft.

Why would she want me? I am weak with many faults.

Rundown.

What could I offer her?

Even feeling this way, I am still selfish, wanting nothing but her kindness for it takes my bad thoughts away and I don't think so low of myself.

I held her tighter, "but I still want you..."I sung low to her.

I felt the tear from my eye and didn't try hiding it. I've hidden too much from her already. Maybe this could be a clue to her. I just wish she knew what I wanted to say.

She tensed and turned quickly to me and I could see worry in eyes for me. She brushed away my tear with her soft touch and my heart had never beat so fast.

The way she is patient with me is so undeserving and I find myself drowning in her care for me.

This is why I'm selfish. No one has ever been this way with me and I don't think anyone ever will.

I only want her.

I take her fingers to my lips and kiss them softly, slowly so I can remember the feel of them when I'm gone. This was enough for me as I prepared my thoughts and took a breath for my chest is heavy with fear.

"I'm sorry. I have to..hide from you."

Her eyes began to tear. I cannot begin to imagine what she may think of me. Is she sad for me? For us?

"You're not." She whispered softly. "You can talk to me when you're ready to. I would never pressure you Taehyung."

I don't deserve this. Why doesn't she scold me for the way I treat her? Why is she like this with me?

"Why? Why do you not want anything from me?" My voice may have sounded rude. It was not to her but to myself as my questions of her were stuck to my thoughts.

"Should I?" Her eyes were looking for a truth that I couldn't continue to tell and for that I felt less of man than before.

Will I ever conquer this fear?

Her gaze was soft and hmm...inviting. I knew my time with her was nearly ended but I couldn't leave things like this.

I took her lips to mine desperately because I was.

Desperate to hold onto the feeling that she gave me while I was burning inside of my lie.

I needed her to erase this.

I lead her back into the bedroom not letting go of her kiss till I was ready. I bumped her against the bed once we reached it and I pulled away.

"Mmm...Shae?" I called to her and watched her low exhale as I recited her name. Did she like this?

"Taehyung?"

If she only knew how many heartbeats skip inside me when she says my name.

This is hard to do. I will have to leave after we are done and I'm not sure if my heart will handle the goodbye.

"I...My time is..." I couldn't speak without holding tears. I didn't want to cry again.

"I know." She spoke lowly.

What I knew is that my lie was consuming me and I needed to escape it. I needed her.

"I need you. Now. So, kiss me. P-Please."

She initiated the kiss and I eased her down to the bed, heart racing more as now as I was about to lose myself in her.

Just like I wanted.

___________

I glanced at my phone and noticed my time was over. I sent my driver a text before leaning over to admire the angel sleeping next to me. I kissed her softly but I was careful not to wake her.

I didn't want her to see me leave.

I threw on my clothes quickly and grabbed my bag, leaving the room and fighting not to look back at her.

If I do, I would stay and never to return to the lie I held from her.

Here I am masked in failure at what I came here to do.

My attention was quickly taken by the dishes that I tore her away from. I lowered my bag down on the sofa and went to clean for her. I figured it was the least I could do.

I added each dish carefully into the dishwasher and cleaned the stove and sinks for her.

My heart sunk as I saw the food that she prepared for me to take home.

Her kindness...it's without limits.

Nervously, I chewed on my lip as I searched around until I found stray sheet of paper and a pen. I walked back over to the counter and wrote her a small truth hoping this would give me the bravery I needed to finally conquer my fear.

My phone vibrated in my pocket.

I replace the food with the note and took it with me as I grabbed my bag. I pulled out my phone and it was my driver alerting me he was out front.

Reaching the door, I looked back into the quietness and held my head down in defeat but there was a small hope inside me that leaving the note would show some of my truth to her.

Maybe she will still want me after I could tell her all of it.

Two chapters left...Are you all still with me?
+++🌹💋clw