Crave | k.th.

2.

She sleeps so peacefully.

When I hold her like this I feel like I share some of her peace and I'm alright being there. She's the softest pillow I will ever have that keeps the bad dreams away. It's so hard to let go when I wake.

My thoughts...hmm I have to find a way to tell her. I have to do it. My heart is pounding at the thought but...what if she doesn't want me when I tell her the truth? What will I do if I can never hold her like this again?

Her heartbeat quickened in my ear and I glance at her once more. She's an angel. So pure and I'm...

I let out a sigh as I eased up from her. She shifted a little as I placed the throw over her. The absence from her was already unnerving but I don't want to seem clingy. She will know something is different if I am.

Walking quietly down the hall and into her bedroom lead me to her bathroom; a shower would help me think on these things.

The warm water against my skin felt nice. I stood under it letting it flow down on me as I think of ways of telling her.

I don't want to be a coward.

It was easy to tell my members when they asked of my weekend, though Namjoon hyung and Jimin have known for sometime of my secret.

It's difficult enough to have a separate life and when we encounter a happiness outside of the everyday, we do what we can to keep it. My hobbies were my happiness and I could spend some time doing them while away but when I can't, I miss them and then I start to miss her.

Only recently have I been able to talk more of my emotions surrounding her. There is so much I don't say and so much I'm curious of that I don't know where to begin.

Namjoon hyung spoke to me yesterday about her. He understands me more. I opened up to him and he listened well and offered different perspectives when telling her. I will try what he tells me.

My shower is finished. I grabbed a towel and dried off. I opened the bathroom door to silence and sat on her bed; my mind is running too fast for me to keep up on where to start first. I closed my eyes and held my head in my hands, trying to think of how to say it.

This is scary.

She quietly walked over to me and I felt happy but my heart could catch up with my thoughts to show her. A sadness entered as I lifted my gaze to her.

"I made breakfast." She spoke softly and I smiled at her. She spoils me and I indulge in it, however she was very quiet to me.

Have I done something wrong?

She stood up quickly and on instinct, I grabbed her hand and stood behind her, pulling her close to me. I whispered thank you to her, testing her language ability while she was with me. She wasn't fluent and I didn't mind it. I could communicate with her and she understood enough. My English gets much better with her around.

She broke away from me and I watched her seclude herself in the bathroom.

The absence from not having her near kills me. I always want her close. I'm selfish. I'm wanting her by me always. I'm wanting her in other ways too.

I have to have her.

My stomach growled as I threw on my clothes and went to the kitchen. I smiled as I saw the pancakes and strawberries. She didn't know this is my favorite but I will tell her one day.

I began eating and my phone rang. It was a group call.

I pressed the speaker button and turned it low to listen in while I ate though my attention was not where it should have been. My thoughts were on these delicious pancakes and the angel that made them. I wished she was sitting next to me and we could share them together. I imagine the cute way her lips curl to a smile. How her eyes would hold such kindness and how I wish I could hear her say my name.

I love when she does that.

"Okay." I replied quickly as I heard my name called but I'm not sure what I agreed to nor am I wondering at this point.

I lifted my head for a brief moment as I thought I heard her or maybe felt her but I turned to nothing. My heart raced at the idea that she could hear my phone call.

Burying me in my lie.

I am anxious for the call to end.

The set list was being discussed and it suddenly became a repeat in my brain. A reminder is what it was to me about our next tour leg and how I needed to tell her the truth before I'm gone for a whole month.

Will she still want me if she knows or will I lose her?

I ate the last bite while we all said our goodbyes and the call ended. My heart smiled as I heard a low gasp behind me.

She's so soothing to me.

My time was not wasted standing up and walking over to her. My heart beats even faster as I'm close to her. I feel her and she's only inches away from me. I want her; I need her touch, her kiss, her warmth. My appetite is craving her and will spend all my selfish time satisfying it.

"I've been waiting for you." I looked down at her timidness. Am I making her nervous?

"Why?" Her voice was low, soft and her shyness is cute.

I answered her with a kiss because it is hard to speak when her sweetness tempts me. I pulled away but slowly and observe her reaction. Kissing her gives me butterflies and I feel lost when they go away...but I know how to make them stay longer when she's near me.

"Right now, I need you." I lowered my voice as I was done talking and picked her up, carrying her down the hall to her room.

ILY❤️
+++🌹💋clw