Crave | k.th.

5.

I reached for my phone to check the time. I was having another bag sent over since I planned to stay another night.

This will certainly surprise her.

My mind began to wonder with thoughts of Shae. I only have one more day and I need to tell her.

This is harder than I want it to be.

I replay different hmm...ways to tell her or maybe show her. Would that be better? Could I sing to her? Would she even like that? I don't know how to do this.

How would she take me? Would it be too much for her to stay with me?

I'm a mess and I'm afraid. The minute she realizes why I've kept this from her, I am sure to lose her and not because of what I did but who I am.

How can I tell her who I am when I'm not always sure myself?

The moment I walked out of the bedroom, the doorbell rung. I knew it was for me. I opened it and grabbed my bag from the driver, bowing in thanks as he left.

Shae was going through her clothes as I set my bag by her closet. She stared at me curiously but looked away.

She's so beautiful and I can't help but want her every time our eyes meet. I want her in every way possible. Her touch. Her kiss. These things I crave from her but what does she want from me? Is there something she needs from me as well?

I walked behind her and leaned in to the sweet scent of her hair. I closed my eyes thinking how it could be so easy now for me to tell her but showing her how much I care for her was what I wanted more.

I will always be a liar the more I run from this but the thought of her touching me was hmm...more of where my thoughts were.

However, I'm still a liar.

I undid the already loose knot in my towel and let it fall to the ground. The room was quiet enough for her to hear this.

Shortly, I undid hers as well.

Her skin underneath my fingers were like tiny shimmers of magic flowing inside me but that feeling soon disappeared as I felt even more guilty of not doing what I should.

I should be telling her my reason for my longer stay.

I should be honest.

I need to be truthful with her even if I can't be with myself.

Just like that, I'm hidden again.

Lowly, I hummed a song to her that I wish she knew. Or did she? No. I would have known if she did. She would have reacted differently the first time I met her. In some ways I was hoping she would, maybe it would be easy for her to read between the lines.

She doesn't have a clue.

My body began to tingle the more I touched her and I'm now wanting her so bad. I kept humming as I moved closer to her ear. She feels so good to me. This can't be real.

I'm not here with her right now. It's my imagination. She is not real, she can't be. Nothing has ever felt this way to me and if it has, it has never lasted long enough for me to remember.

She is sure to leave me and I will be a fool for it.

My tears tried to fall and I fought to stop them. She doesn't need to see me this way. She shouldn't have to deal with the mess that I am.

But she does and it hurts every time to know that I'm not honest with her.

My hand moved further down and I touched her most sensitive spot. She was warm there and I could feel she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

I heard her gasp and it made me smile. She is real.

But I'm not.

I don't deserve her.

Suddenly I felt her move and my eyes opened to see her staring at me. She looked worried and afraid.

I waited.

I waited for her to speak. I wanted to know what she was thinking or feeling. What made her act this way?

The way she looked at me made me feel open and raw. Though I was naked against her, it only veiled the truth. As if I could be stripped from more.

She was seeing through me and it hurts.

She could see past my mask.

I didn't hold back my tear. I allowed it to fall.

She tried to wipe it away. She wanted to care for me but I stopped her and kissed her instead.

She tried to console me but I wanted to feel her. I needed to feel her.

I grabbed her waist and pulled her back against the bed with me.

"T-Taehyung..." She whispered only making me hold her tighter against me as I kept kissing her.

I wanted her so bad that I began to ache for her. I rolled myself on top of her. I couldn't wait any longer.

"Please..." I whispered. "Please..." I begged again as I spread her legs slightly and entered her.

She was so warm and I fit so well inside of her. Our bodies were one and I didn't want the feeling to end.

There were no butterflies this time but there was a heat around us that I couldn't explain. All I know is that I needed more.

I buried myself face into her neck and cried silently as I stroked her. I just wanted to keep her in this moment and I won't be able to.

I'm a liar. No one could ever love a liar.

_________

I barely slept.

My dreams turned into nightmares and mind was uneasy.

I was embarrassed and ashamed of my behavior to her and what was worst is that I still couldn't pull it together to tell her.

I hid the truth behind kisses which led to touching and eventually sex. Sex was used to hid the truth.

It was my veil.

I am foolish. Now I know I will lose her.

Feeling an emptiness, I woke up and realized she wasn't near me and the room was very dark. Suddenly I heard the doorbell rung and then low voices.

She ordered food.

My stomach growled the moment I realized this and I got up from the bed and pulled on my briefs.

I walked out of the bedroom and the aroma hit me immediately. She placed the food down and I went to grab some plates but then I figured I would try something different. Something I usually don't do.

After getting just one plate, she looked at me curiously and I smiled at her. She's thinking something. I wish I knew what it was.

"We can share." I told her before grabbing one of the boxes and sat on the couch, waiting for her to join me.

Sorry, it took me a while to update. I was in a block but I think I'm okay now. Thank you for your patience and I love you!

+++🌹💋clw