𝕰𝖑𝖊𝖓𝖆

Chapter Forty-Two: Hail The Victorious Dead

"Of course I'm alright, you don't think I'd allow for the words of some selfish, power-craving wizard to effect me?" I said, my lips spreading into a thin smile.

"I'm sure you wouldn't, my dear, but that is not to what I was referring," he slid from his horse, wading a few steps closer and leaning against the wedged wheel, "I saw what happened at Helm's Deep. You could've stopped them. You didn't have to let them do that."

"But I did, Théoden. So that the widowed mothers and the orphaned children and the mourning soldiers might relieve their anger, even if it is on me. So that I can accept what I've become. I'm a monster... They're terrified of me... I'm terrified of me. That was nothing more than I deserved."

"Deserved?" Théoden's eyes narrowed, "Elena you won them the battle. Many of my men's lives were spared thanks to those powers you so abhor. Do you truly believe that saving the people of Edoras warrants you being stoned by them? The very people whose lives were spared because of you? You may detest your powers, you may think them dark and evil, and they may be so. But you, Elena, used those powers for good. You are no monster."

I remained silent, dropping his gaze and staring instead into the calm water, so still it might've been a mirror. Théoden sighed softly, resting a hand on top of mine.

"I don't pretend to understand how you must feel. Who am I but an aged King who sits atop a throne? But of all your allies, I think I can understand the best the feeling of being the victim of powers beyond your control. Both your own powers and Saruman tried to take your mind over and failed. I was not so strong when the wizard did the same to me. I fell to his power, my will crumbled to bend to his. You think you're weak, that you're a monster? Well then so am I."

I met his gaze again, his eyes now glassy. I felt tears prick the corners of my own eyes.

"You are no monster," I said to him, my voice brittle.

"Nor are you, Elena. And I hope that you'll stop treating yourself so," Théoden clapped me lightly on the shoulder, turning to mount his horse, "I expect Gandalf is almost finished. Ah yes, there he is now. Come."

He lowered a hand to me, helping me to mount the horse behind him.

"There is to be a celebration this evening in Edoras, to toast and commemorate our fallen soldiers, and to drink to our victory at Helm's Deep. I pray that you'll allow yourself some very much earned enjoyment. This night is to celebrate you just as much as every soldier that fought for Rohan's freedom."

With that, Théoden clicked his tongue and nudged the horse's side, sending us towards the group at a light trot. Beneath us, the murky grey water was disturbed, no longer appearing like a mirror, but rather the watery grave that had taken Orthanc.

I shot the dark tower one more glance over my shoulder as we rejoined the group and broke for Fangorn together. Sunlight had finally broken free of the grey clouds that curtained the sky, shining down upon Isengard's ruin, like a beacon of hope.

It was without an ounce of remorse that I left Isengard, for the last time in my life. The leaves of the dark trees of Fangorn closed in overhead, and the tower disappeared from view.

✶

My eyes raked over my own body, reflected at me from the mirror that stood behind the dividing screen in my room. Beside me, the water in the basin I'd used to clean up in grew colder. We'd made it back to the Golden Hall before dusk had claimed the land, and preparations for the feast were underway. Those of us returning from Isengard went away to our separate quarters to clean the battle grime that still clung resolutely to our skin. I'd finished up long ago, taking care to avoid harming the injury on my leg, and the several little cuts that marred my pale skin. I'd yet to dress myself, having caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror after finishing up. It was the first time I'd looked, really looked, at myself, my whole self, since leaving home. And I almost could not recognize the Fae who stared back at me.