If a robber ever breaks in, I'll just pretend to be one too, and we'll laugh and hug and he'll leave because I have first dibs.
I wish my car horn yelled "WTF are you doing!?"
I failed my Driver's test. Driving teacher: "What do you do at a red light?" Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."
You this read wrong.
Today's Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone.
You know your childhood is over when you fall asleep on the couch and wake up on the couch.
Square box, round pizza, triangle slices. I'm confused!
B.i.n.g = Bitch I'm not Google.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This shit is not what I expected.
Practicing your signature over and over again, just incase you become famous.
I'll act my age when I'm 69....... lol
You're a great friend but, if we get chased by zombies I'm tripping you.
When I'm married, I will never fight in front of my kids because I know I hated seeing that shit.
____/\____\o/___ SHARK ATTAAAAACK !!!
Bruno Mars: "I'd catch a grenade for her." Me: "Why the hell is she getting a grenade thrown at her in the first place?!"
Relationships these days = 1 Male, 1 Female, 1 Hoe, 1 Ex trying to mess it up and 1 friend secretly hoping it ends.
YOU ARE READING
The book of cool pointless facts
RandomDid you know the most favoured day for suicide is on Mondays? No? What about slugs have four noses? NO? Have you heard that really funny joke where-YOU HAVEN'T??? WHAT PLANET ARE YOU ON! QUICK QUICK QUICK READ THIS BOOK NOW! Phew! And to think you w...
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