Promise? [c.h]

55.2

 -Ally's P.O.V-

"Al this is boring you have no cool games!" Cal said which interrupted the tears that were about to fall, sh*t, he was still here with me.

"Cal-I-I think you should go," I told him.

"What did I do? Al?" He said, concern written all over his pretty face.

"No, nothing bad, I just have to do something right now." I told him and saw him nod.

"Alright, bye Al." He said and slowly walked towards my door.

But before he even leave my room I hear him whisper "I love you," and that was when my tears fell down on my face, he loves me, he still loves me even after everything.

And even after everything, I now know that I'm starting to love him too.

I folded the first letter and got the second one, my full name was now written on it, not just my nickname, not just my first name, but my full name which made it look like it was formal.

October 25, 2012

Dearest Allison Porter,

I see you laughing together with your friends, I see you smiling even through the pain and I wonder if you ever felt the same. Have you ever wondered what it was like to love someone so much, it hurts? I did. And I already felt it honestly, I felt it with you. I already told you on my first letter but I just want to remind you that someone loves you.

It's easy to tell someone "I love you" when you only mean it in a friendly way since, well, it isn't true love. But when you actually feel it, it gets harder to say it out loud and tell that person how you feel. It gets pretty scary since what if that person won't ever love you back? That's why I'm writing you all these letters, because I'm such a loser to face you.

I'm scared to hear those words leave your lips again, "Leave me alone." It was painfully the truth. You wanted me to leave your life and so I did, because I loved you.

And I still do Allison Porter, don't you ever forget that.

Calum Hood. 

I quickly wiped away the tears that started to fall and folded the second letter, to get the third letter inside the box. I never really had attention to Cal before because of what he did and that's probably why I never saw him look at me in that kind of way.

I opened the third letter and a short Ally was written on it.

January 18, 2013

Dearest Ally,

I know that Al used to be my nickname for you but since you're no longer my best friend, fvck, you're not even my friend anymore and do you know how much that hurts? I guess writing these letters are useless now since you will never forgive me but I won't give up, I won't stop.

I'm sorry, okay? I know what I did was stupid but I couldn't control myself, that's how much you mean to me. It's very late at night but this is the perfect time to think about everything in life.

Tonight I realized that you weren't the one who wrecked me, ruined me, or destroyed me. It was me because only I have the power to do that to myself. I destroyed myself by loving you.

Calum Hood. 

And I'm sad, again. I then got the next letter and nothing but a heart was written on it, hopefully this would make me smile instead of cry.

February 14, 2013

Dearest Allison,

It's Valentine’s Day and you're supposed to be celebrating it with me, remember? We used to watch romantic movies together and pretend to go on dates but we didn't do that this year. 

Is it bad if sometimes I still hope that one day, when you wake up, you'll miss me? I tried my best to forget about you since I know you forgot about me but it's hard to forget someone that you know you'll always remember.

I'm slowly giving up Al, I'm slowly giving up on myself but it doesn't matter since no one is listening anyway, I love you.

Calum Hood. 

Wait a minute, so does this mean that-ohmygod, he was depressed, he was so broken, all because of me being so fvcking sensitive.

June 16, 2013

Dearest Al,

Happy Birthday. You're fifteen now, you're getting pretty old if you ask me but that wasn't an insult. You're growing Al, you're becoming a beautiful woman.

I tried talking to you, I tried to greet you but even when I was a block away, you were already running away.

Do you know what it feels like to let go of someone you really love for a long time, just for them to be happy? I don't know if I'm getting better or just already used to the pain Al.

Happy Birthday, I love you, I always will.

Calum Hood. 

These letters would be the end of me, I swear if he has another one where he writes about him being sad I would literally explode.

December 25, 2013

Dearest Al, 

Merry Christmas my angel, my family used to always come to your place every Christmas Eve but that didn't happen this year because you know, stuffs happen. I know you hate me, I hate me too, don't worry but why can't you just smile at me? Just say a simple hi?

Please, just fix me.

Calum Hood. 

I'm literally guilty as hell, I was so sensitive and rude back then ohmygod, and I was the loser.

July 27, 2014

Dearest Ally,

I stopped writing to you because I thought I already moved on but when I saw you with Gab, everything came back to me. How many times do I need to get hurt in order for me to know that it's time to let go?

I'm so done with everything, please be happy with Gab. I know you're smiling but I also know that I'm not the reason for it anymore, I'm happy if you're happy Al.

But I promised you that I would never leave you and I plan to keep that promise, I love you.

Calum Hood. 

And then we came to an end, there was only one letter left and I quickly got it, not managing to wait any longer, another heart was written on it.

October 18, 2014

Dearest Al,

Wow, anything could happen. But that's alright, we're all good now. I'm happy I went to your wonderland, I'm happy. We're happy. There are 7 billion plus smiles in the world but yours will always be my favorite.

I love you so much Al, it hurts but that's okay, you're my favorite kind of pain. 

Thank you for fixing me, I owe you for that. I love you so much Allison Porter, more than you'll ever know.

Calum Hood. 

 Thank you, for fixing me Calum Hood, I owe you.