The Cries of a Broken Omega [BxB Omegaverse]

Chapter 8. "Runaway Soul"

[Felix's POV]

     My breaths seemed to fog because of my rapid and heavy breathing. My head felt light on my shoulders, my eyes zoned only directly in front of me.

     With one last huff of air I find myself at a park I used to play at with Mom and Dad before their divorce.

      The park was empty and old, the swings lightly swaying in the breeze that rolled around me. Rusted head to toe; the seesaw and metal slide. I never understood why they had a metal slide, it usually hurt to go down, little me was always worried that I'd go down too fast and it'd hurt.

      I remember Mom pushing me, doing... what were they called again? Underdogs! That's it, she'd pull me up so high I felt like I'd touch the tree that grew a decent distance from the set but branches that stretched to what seemed to be into the sky.

     I remember her letting go then I'd shoot off and I got just a little bit closer to Heaven. When I was little I believed in god, my parents are both Christian which I didn't understand the difference of Catholic and Christian to be honest I still really don't.

     I used to think that the higher up I went the closer to god I'd be, it made me feel safe and I think that's why I believed at first. My mom and dad always told me I'd be protected by god because we were his beloved children.

      Then my grandma died, I didn't get it. I didn't understand how such a nice lady had to leave me, why she couldn't have stayed with me. Mom tried to tell me that she was in a better place where the cancer couldn't hurt her anymore but I could see the look of sadness in everyone's eyes and I knew that no matter where she ended up it made everyone upset.

     A couple days after her passing we went to my first funeral. I was excited to see grandma again because I thought she'd be alive again, I don't know where my kid brain was at but that's not how dead people work. I went up to Grandma's casket and saw her "sleeping".

     She looked so beautiful, I didn't understand why everyone was so sad, she was right there! I sat through the funeral expecting my grandma to spring up and yell, "Surprise!" But she never did.

     On the drive home I was upset, I asked, "So when's grandma gonna wake up? She looked a little uncomfortable in her dress, her bed didn't look too comfy either."

     I remember my dad shaking his head and my mom weeping, I didn't understand what I did until I got home. They explained what death was to me but they also tried to shove some religion down my throat too.

     I stopped believing in god a little less over the years, little things and some big things made me think god never really protected anyone. I started to think of religion in a bad way, why would god give Grandma cancer? Why kill her, God's plan? Yeah, totally.

     The first big thing after that was being bullied. In elementary you usually get assigned your secondary sex, alpha, beta, omega.

     You had to go to the doctors and take a bunch of tests and whatnot, bloodwork, psychological test, and some other things. I was always scared of doctors, they made me nervous, they'd talk to me with what sounded like a condescending voice.

     Doctors made me feel like I always did something wrong, I was assigned the secondary sex: omega. Kids would pick on me all of the time after that, they'd push me down, steal my lunch, trip me too. I hated my elementary years, kids are mean.

     Mom and dad fought more and more after that. One day mom was yelling really loudly at dad and dad kept shouting back, the usual until I heard a slap sound. I heard a surprised gasp come from my dad and I heard my mom's footsteps going downstairs and stoping by the shoe rack. She went around the house collecting a couple of her things before leaving through the front and driving off.

     I was in shock, mom and dad had never gotten physical before. They'd always take a moment to cool off before something like that'd happen. Little did my seven year old self know that, that'd be the day I regret not asking to come with or not at least saying goodbye because just like my grandma... I'd thought she'd come back, she didn't.

     My dad drank a lot after that, he never did anything to Zach and I but he was just sad all the time. Bills would stack up on the kitchen counter, we'd eat more and more takeout, he'd always say money was tight, we skipped a couple of our birthdays, he cried for weeks because of that. I love my dad, I really do.

     Eventually he started talking to an old buddy of his, Uncle Jacket was his nickname because he'd always wear the same tacky leather jacket with random things like a peace sign stitched on. Uncle Jacket was my role model, I looked up to him a lot. He was a pacifist but he swore up and down that he'd kill anyone who'd dare to hurt me and my brother.

     Uncle Jacket got dad back on his feet, helped him pay bills, took him to rehab, booked doctor appointments for dad's depression, and last but not least hooked him up with Karen.

     I may not like Karen but she makes dad feel okay again so I don't put up too much of a fight about her, Uncle Jacket was like an angle, he practically built my dad. I don't know how he did it all but that all came crashing down when he committed suicide.

     In the reports they said he hung himself from the open ceiling in his basement, he had a maid that helped him clean and she found him hanging when she went downstairs to do his laundry. I'd gone to his funeral too, this had messed my dad up too but I think he learned how to block it out more than he used to know how.

He became colder to me, not to say we had bad blood but as to say we didn't really talk about anything together or have fun anymore like at this rusty rundown park. I think he looked up to Uncle Jacket as much as me, I'm not sure where he came from but he saved my family enough for my dad to be living a stable life.

My uncle was cremated and they dumped his ashes into different places he enjoyed, that's why we still have some at our house. I don't really know if my dad remembers or not but he put some ashes in a semi-fancy vase with a lid on it, it was placed in my room. I've made sure it'd be impossible to break or to lose the ashes.

I don't believe in god because when I was little I remember going to church, same thing again and again. Nothing ever changed, god to me is just a concept for humans to fill in gaps in knowledge like how the Ancient Greeks had Zeus to explain the sky and all that came from it or how they explained the god of death in Ancient Egypt. God is just something to have hope in because everyone dies sooner or later by choice or by accident and everyone is scared even when they say they aren't because for all they know...

...There could be nothing. Nothing. A black abyss could be waiting, no light, no god, and no family to see in Heaven.

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(A/n): Damn, my atheist is showing. 😂 You guys can believe in whatever so no hate, 'Kay?

Date: September 7th, 2019
Words: 1336