Selective Mutism: This Is My Story ✓

lack of understanding

I hate hate school.

I hate everything about it.

I hate how I act inside it.

I hate how I am.

Sometimes ... I just hate life.

I hate the people in it, the most. The lack of understanding and awareness of anxieties.

I understand, I do. Some things are just as important. But if we're working so hard to get awareness for young epilepsy, and cancer, and Ebola, and autism, why is it not the same for anxiety?

Anxiety effects 1 in 4.

Selective mutism effects 7 in 1000.

I didn't really realise how rare that actually is. Before I knew I had sm, all the things I saw about conditions and diseases I just saw on tv. I never expected it to be me.

I never thought, until I grew older and I realised things, that I would be one of those people.

I hate how, maybe some people don't know what is wrong with them, because there is so much lack of awareness.

Teachers don't understand that when they put me in groups, I can't speak. They think I'm shy. It's tiring how I can't even explain to the teacher that I can't, I really can't, do a presentation.

It's so upsetting because I feel like me on my own is not enough.

I feel like just writing this story is not enough. Because even I, don't understand it fully. How can I realise how I differ when it's all I know?

Still it's a mystery what causes sm.

If there was more awareness we wouldn't be teased, or bullied.

But then again, maybe we would.

-

I don't even know what this chapter was about, really. I just had a load of things I had to put down.

Something good happened today, though. And reading back, I realise how depressing this book, if I can call it that, is. These two people just said something to another two people that made me so happy, and I don't think they'll know how grateful I really am.