Less Than Perfect

{1} A Late Arrival

I didn't know what it was, but I knew he would never feel the same, and whatever this fantasy I had was a fairytale I created in my grief, a rebound of sorts. I found love once, and I lost it within an instant. 

I stared down the hall, wide, white doors beckoning the start to a new life, a newborn, mothers graciously holding their babies, eyes welling with tears. The corridor seemed to stretch on like time passing for eternity, a journey to the unknown. There was a bittersweet sense of joy, the calm after a storm.

Meanwhile, my body felt ignited. Flames scorched my skin, and discomfort reigned as I tried to formulate the right words. I didn't want to seem desperate for his attention, but I couldn't take his deafening silence. 

All I heard were the hushed voices of nurses, the soft hurried footsteps of doctors and assistants making their rounds to the women in the delivery room, the constant beeping of their laptops and pagers, and all the panicked family members who urged their loved one to continue through the struggle. 

It was chaos. There was no other word to describe a hospital, except chaos. It held the fate of those alive and dead, carried the new and the old, witnessed their birth and their demise. 

The only peace surrounded the aura around Tanwir. Silence stretched between us, and I suffocated in his presence, in his quiet resolve. 

My eyes traced across his features, followed the length of his lashes, chased the waves of his hair, the swept, bed-head look he wore with ease. His glasses rested on the bridge of his nose, the glass glinting in the light. 

What do I say? Would he even talk to me?

I bit my lip, drowning under my ambivalent emotions. I was never one to freak out when talking to anyone, but this was different. Tanwir wasn't just anyone. He was someone special, yet I was nothing to him except a friend of his sister. I was just another girl to pass his eye. 

I cleared my throat. "So?" I drawled, leaning back against my seat. "Are you worried?"

Tanwir opened his eyes, narrowing them. "I don't need to be," he said. "She's strong, and her husband is there."

"That doesn't mean you can't worry."

He shrugged, a faraway look in his dark, mysterious eyes. Looking into them lured me away from the world that I knew because in his abyss, there was more than just loneliness lingering, there was an unimaginable pain, one that I could relate to. There was regret lining his eyes, a memory that dictated his life. 

I understood it like a foreign language on my tongue, but Tanwir would never see that in me. He never noticed me. He never would. 

"You don't talk much, do you?" I cut into the silence once more. 

His brows furrowed. "Not quite sure what that has to do with anything."

"I mean, instead of worrying our asses off, we could make do with small talk."

He frowned. "That seems unnecessary."

Sighing, I crossed my arms, leaning back against my seat. Of course there was no breaking his walls. He was as hard-headed, stubborn, and a stoic hulk of a man as usual. Without another word, I dug into my purse to play on my phone. Although my heart broke with how easily he dismissed me, I had to admire his grip on his own emotions. 

He was distressed about his little sister, but he'd never let it show. 

"Kanza," his voice spoke, "thank you."

I gazed up from my phone, arching a brow. "For what? I did nothing, except sit in this chair."

A ghost of a smile feathered his lips, gentle and slow. "No, you were there for Amira."

Ah, back to the sister, I see. 

I pushed down the bubble of disappointment that rose in my chest. "Yeah," I tightly smiled. "I'm glad I can help in whatever way I can."

He flashed a grateful smile my way before returning to his previous state of silence and thought, eyes closed, and lips murmuring verses under his breath, a defense mechanism of his that I noticed. Tanwir's mind was in a faraway land, his thoughts focused entirely on the well-being of his sister. 

There was no space in his heart for someone as broken as me. My smile was a mask, one that even he couldn't see through. I came too late into his line of sight.

Assalamualaikum!

Summer is basically over, and my professors have already assigned work. 68 freaking assignments due before class starts, ESQUEEZE ME. Professor, pls have mercy on my soul. 

They're about to cripple me with work. Send help. 

Anyway, what do you guys think about Kanza's quiet chase for Tanwir? I'm sure you've noticed the different approach I've taken to this book. 

Don't forget to vote, comment, and follow!