jjba one shots part 5 stuff (bruh shots)

turtle boat ride

After a couple minutes Bruno stopped the boat, and sunk down in his chair.

"Well, hope that I die soon!" He said to himself.

"no u" A subtle voice called. Bruno tensed up.

"Who's there? Show yourself!" Bruno said.

"no u"

"Is it you, turtle?!" Bruno yelled, waving his finger at the turtle in question.

"hoho croissant baguette!" The voice said again.

"Oho! French!" Bruno yelled and turned away from the turtle.

"no u" The voice said. Bruno sksksksksksked and gasped.

"No no monsieur, I am not hoho french croissant baguette!No no not me" Bruno said.

"Oui oui u" The voice said.

"You know what! My day already isn't going that great i'm just going to zipper my ears shut so I don't have to hear any more hoho baguette bulshit!" Bruno said, zippering his ears shut. But he suddenly heard an echoing sound in his head:

"hoho, you dare oppose the baguette?" The voice said. Bruno unzipped his ears.

"I knew I shouldn't have bought this baguette!" Bruno exclaimed, throwing his baguette in the water. He was so excited to bring his baguette home to his kids.

Suddenly fish began to swarm the baguette, and Bruno literally picked them up.

"Hmmm, uwu fish, quite common in this area. Wonderful for making an Italian dinner. Known all over as a sweet and savory delicacy when paired with certain sauces and spices. I'll bring you home and cook you up for my children I am so glad I did not birth." Bruno said to the fish. The fish flapped and thrashed around, hitting its tail on Bruno's face and his glasses came flying off. But he doesn't have glasses so it's fine.

"You motherfucker. You suck! You're going to be in my stomach later!" Bruno yelled at the big squirmy fish. It stopped squirming and gave up. Bruno smiles until he heard a splash.

"Oh shit!" Bruno exclaimed. The turtle jumped off the boat. Now Bruno must get him. Bruno hurriedly took off his jacket and his pants because who wants to be in wet clothes? 

Anyways, Bucciarati spotted the turtle immediately, it was swimming away quickly and Bucciarati wished he hadn't gone alone, maybe bring Abbacchio or someone with him. He swam as fast as he could, finally catching up to the turtle and swimming to the surface to breathe. Because apparently he doesn't have to, which he doesn't after episode 20. After Bucciarati regained his breath he realized he was far from the boat, and had to swim far to get back. Bruno sucked it up and swam back to the boat in like 10 minutes. Because even mommys get tired sometimes. After Bruno got on the boat he laid there for like 15 minutes before getting up to set the boat's course home, but not without doing a little fishing. Just one uwu fish won't be enough for the whole group. So Bruno shoves some meat onto a hook and lowers it into the sea of hungry fish to gobble and become eaten cooked, seasoned, and ate, later. Bruno thought of it as a quiet and relaxing time though. Nothing would go wrong, and Bruno would enjoy the fishing.

Soon Bruno got a nibble on his line, and he immediately started rolling the line up, revealing another uwu fish. Bruno repeated this pattern, sometimes getting an uwu fish or a cum- I mean cod. But nonetheless Bruno enjoyed the fishing aspect of his trip. He had gotten plenty of fish and could probably make a nice homemade meal instead of Mista's stash of Instant Ramen or powdered chucked nuggets. They usually survived off that unless they went to the restaurant or something.

Bruno wished his journey could've been a little better, but it be like that sometimes, and it was just always sometimes.

"Maybe next time." Bruno said, patting the turtle as he drove the boat home. The sun was low in the sky that was now various shades of pinks and oranges. Bruno didn't want to travel around alone while it was dark, even when he did have fish with him that could do a real slapping. But Bruno knew best, especially when he was alive and not donutted by king crimson.

- bruno mommy is home -

"I'm home! And I'll be making supper tonight!" Bruno yelled. He heard an "ok" from Abbacchio, who was in the same place as he was when Bruno left. 

(Just a reminder, Bruno put his pants back on but not his jacket cause he needed to dry his hair which was constantly dripping down his shoulders and he didn't want to ruin his beautiful suit.)

Abbacchio looked up when he saw Bruno enter the room with no shirt on.

"Where's your jacket?" He asked.

"I'm just drying off, I'll put it back on soon." Bruno said, making his way to the kitchen. He dropped the turtle off in the couch next to Abbacchio. Bruno dropped his bag of fish on the litchem counter, and started preparing the fish.

-like 30 minutes later-

"Hey! Bucciarati, that smells great, I'm getting kind of hungry can I have som-"

"NARANCIA GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!"

"Ok, bye." Narancia said casually, walking out of the kitchen. He was probably just going to satisfy his hunger with his math homework. No one really cared what he ate except Fugo, unless it was something inedible, like paper. But Narancia does that all the time now so it's not that big of a deal.

- Like 30 more minutes later -

"Foods ready mental assailants!" Abbacchio yelled upstairs to the kids, then went to the kitchen.

"Do you really have to be so harsh on them?" Bruno asked.

"Well they all have some feature that should land them in a mental institution!" Abbacchio said. Bruno sighed and played the fish.

———————————————————

Words: 1676