𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐚'𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐱. carl grimes

SIXTEEN: the snap

That sent me over the edge. "So now I know what it's like to lose someone? I had to kill my own mother Carl! My own mother!" I paused struggling to form words correctly, "And don't ever say my sister's name again or I'll - I'll..."

"You'll what? Slit my throat? Shoot me in the head? You don't even know how to fire a gun and even if you did princess you wouldn't have the balls to do it" he screamed.

"Oh I wouldn't have the fucking balls?" I scream as I pull my gun out and aim it at him. I unlock the safety and load it.

Carl quickly throws his hands in the air in surrender. "I'm sorry Finn. I didn't mean it. J-j-just put the gun down please" he pleads.

"Why should I princess?" I say, my hands resting on the trigger.

He slowly sets his gun on the floor, "Finn I'm sorry. I didn't mean it! Please just don't shoot"

I don't listen to him. I keep my fingers on the trigger and I tighten them a little more. I feel my hands shaking like crazy and tears running down my face.

"Finn please" Carl whispers, tears running down his face as well.

I release my finger off the trigger and slowly put my hands down. I feel my whole body shaking as I slowly place the gun on the ground. I look up at the boy who was so scared of me he was crying.

"I-I-I'm sorry" I whisper and I run out the side door.

I reach the road and continue to run. I run past house after house not even slowing at all until I feel my body collapse. I fall to the ground in the middle of the road and lie there shaking. I couldn't believe what I had just done. I was so close to killing Carl, I wanted to kill Carl. I wanted to have the satisfaction of pulling the trigger and seeing the bullet meet his head.

I curled up into a fetal position and let myself bawl. I felt the tears stain my shirt and roll down my body. I couldn't stop crying. I cried about what I almost did, what I said, what Carl said, and my family. Oh god I missed my family so much. Claire would know how to cheer me up right about now, she always did.

I cried until I had no more tears left and my eyes were puffed up like marshmallows. I decided to try to stand up and when I did I felt my brain pound against my head. It felt like somebody took a hammer to the inside of my head but I shook it off and got up. I told myself I deserved the pain.

I noticed a house across the street from where I collapsed and decided to check it out. I walk over to the front porch and check the door, it's unlocked. I slowly open the door and go for my gun but there's nothing there. I left it in the house with Carl. Then I try to grab my dagger and remember that I left it at the prison. I was left out here with nothing to defend myself with.

I look around and try to find something to use as a weapon. I then spot one of those night lamps in the yard. I pull it up from the ground and it has a sharp point at the end.

Perfect!

I walk back up on the poch and knock on the wall next to the door. I wait a bit and no walkers come out so I walk into the house. The once beautiful house is now littered with trash and the furniture has been knocked over. I turn around and lock the door behind me just in case.

I really didn't know what I was doing here. I didn't even know if I was going to go back to Rick and Carl. I thought about living here on my own and I feel like I could handle it. Yeah, it may be lonely but I can manage.

Before I can move in though I have to sweep the house and make sure there are no walkers to kill me in my sleep even though I may deserve to die at this point. I walk around the bottom floor and it's all clear. I then make my way up the stairs and notice all of the doors are closed up here. This could mean there are walkers hiding behind any of them.

I go to the door directly across from the staircase and slowly open the door. A hand reaches out of the door and tries to push the door open but I shove as hard as I can and close the door. The walker was strong and knew I was here so I decided to wait until I find a real weapon to kill it.

I checked the other two rooms and they were both clear. I then made my way to the final room. I slowly opened the door and nothing happened. I tappen the wall a bit and still nothing happened so I flung open the door. The room was all clear.

This room was a lot bigger than the others, it was obviously the master bedroom. It had a huge bed and a couch that ran along the window. It also had a huge bookcase that immediately excited me.

I ran over to the bookcase and looked through it. It had every book you could think of from the classics to horror novels by Stephen King to teenage dystopian novels. I was like a kid in a candy store. I absolutely loved books. I used to read like 24/7 and kids teased me for it but I didn't care because I was smarter than them.

After a while of going through the books I finally choose one of my favorites, The Hunger Games. Ever since I was little I wanted to be Katniss Everdeen. I used to always wear my hair in braids and my dad even taught me how to use a bow and arrow because I loved her so much. I never thought I would be in the apocalypse and actually have to survive like Katniss had to in the arena but here I am.

I grab the book off the shelf and walk over to the couch and sit down but before I start to read I get a better idea. I open the window behind the couch and crawl out onto the roof. I shimmy my way to the edge and dangle my feet off the edge and start to read.

XXX

Oh man. Things went a little crazy this chapter. Finn reached a point she would never thought she would reach in this chapter. She broke and did stuff she regretted a lot later.

At least she found something to cheer her up even if it isn't her sister.

Q: Do you think Carl and Finn will ever make up?