17. Dystychiphobia

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"But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.

In your head, in your head
They are fighting." The Cranberries

Kayla would never forget the first time she met Noah

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Kayla would never forget the first time she met Noah.

Back then, he had been awkward and gangly. His limbs had almost seemed too long for his body. Now, he had grown into them, muscles filling his chest and arms from countless hours on the soccer field.

He used to be so shy and unsure, afraid to talk to her or be near her. His confidence had grown along with his physique. She thought that she knew him better than anyone. As she looked at him now, coated in sweat and muttering Aaron's name under his breath, she wondered if she ever really knew him at all.

Was it possible that someone could change so much in the space of two years? Or had he always felt this way and been too scared to tell her?

As she watched him murmur 'Aaron' over and over again, she realised that she didn't hate him, or even blame him. She felt sorry for him. Sorry that he had to hide a part of himself from everyone. It was clear that despite everything she and Noah had been through together, his heart didn't really belong to her, it probably never had.

She couldn't hate him for who he was, she just wished he had the guts to tell her. Maybe they could have moved past this, stayed friends. Now, the betrayal cut too deep. It was too raw. A jagged scar that covered her heart .

No, she didn't hate him, but that didn't stop it from hurting her either. Each time Noah said Aaron's name, his voice filled with pain and anguish, it sent a sharp ache through her chest.

Noah's worst fear had something to do with Aaron, not her. It was this, more than anything that made her realise that Noah really was in love with the curly haired boy.

She turned away from Noah, unable to watch anymore, and instead focussed on her brother. She had never seen him so pale, his skin a sickly shade of white. A wet patch covered the front of his jeans and she knew that he had been unable to hold his bladder.

What was he seeing?

Whatever it was had to be really bad. Ryder was normally so strong. The only time she had ever seen him looking like this was one night a year ago, when he had come home clearly shaken and distressed. He had never told her why and she had always wondered what had happened. He was never truly the same since that night.

Could it be linked to his hallucination?

Kayla didn't have time to dwell on it. She heard a thud as Noah fell to the floor, sobbing as though he was being torn apart from the inside. Despite the pain he had caused her, Kayla's first instinct was to rush over to Noah and take him in her arms. She wanted to comfort him and tell him he was imagining whatever horrible vision he was seeing.

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